The Pope’s latest encouragement to mercy and spiritual direction

A recurring theme is emerging in Pope Benedict’s pontificate, the importance of spiritual direction. His latest encouragement of this practice is his most significant. It is a beautiful call for priests to reflect on how to more effectively minister grace and mercy through confession and spiritual direction. This important document comes at a critical time of preparation for World Youth Day and the anticipated work of the Holy Spirit in this significant gathering of the faithful. I heartily recommend this insightful and encouraging document to priests, religious, lay spiritual directors, and all who desire to more fully engage Christ and his grace in confession and spiritual direction. The document is offered through the Vatican’s Congregation for the Clergy and can be found in full here.

Top ten reading list for spiritual directors

Q: Dan, now that you mention technical books on spiritual theology… I’m wondering what would be your top 10 list of books in that area. I’m especially interested in books that would be helpful for a priest that would like to engage more seriously in spiritual direction, or books that you would recommend to a seminarian or for a seminary course in the area of spiritual direction. I would appreciate your input.

A: Dear friend, here’s my top ten list in order of importance. I have also provided links to the best editions where meaningful. With respect to books one through four, these are in-depth and thorough treatments of ascetical and mystical theology (seminary level). Book number one could be used for a seminary course but it is also very accessible and reasonably brief for the topics covered.

In my opinion, if the would-be director is not familiar with the content in the first three books they should pause their spiritual direction practice and dig in. Beyond these books, the rest are great resources in the areas of prayer, discernment, holiness, and spiritual direction. As well, anyone seeking to better know, love, and serve God would be blessed by all of these works, particularly items two through ten.

1. Guidance in Spiritual Direction by Fr. Charles Hugo Doyle: This book is specifically written for clergy and very clearly outlines the necessary perspectives in insights for a priest looking to provide sound spiritual direction. Though it is written for priests, tt would also be very helpful for anyone who provides spiritual direction.
2. The Three Ages of the Interior Life by Fr. Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange: This is a classic and is, in my opinion, the most thorough of all systematic treatments of the topic.
3. The Spiritual Life by Fr. Adolphe Tanquerey
4. Spiritual Theology by Fr. Jordan Aumann
5. Discernment of Spirits by Fr. Timothy Gallagher
6. The Fire Within by Fr. Thomas Dubay: This book will help the reader gain proper perspectives on prayer and avoid common misdirection and misinterpretation of Saints Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross.
7. The Fulfillment of All Desire by Ralph Martin
8. Seeking Spiritual Direction by Fr. Thomas Dubay
9. Anything by St. Teresa of Avila – particularly The Interior Castle, or St. John of the Cross
   
10. Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis de Sales

Regarding common modern issues with misdirection in prayer, Cardinal Ratzinger (now Pope Benedict XVI) wrote this “Letter to the Bishops of the Catholic Church on Some Aspects of Christian Meditation.”

It might be interesting to get reactions, recommendations, and feedback from our spiritual director readers.

Seek Him – Find Him – Follow Him

Dan

PS: Please remember to purchase through these links (other than Amazon) if you can – it helps to off-set our costs of our regular book reviews.

What if I disagree with my spiritual director about my root sin?

Q: What do you do when you are pretty sure your root sin is pride (based on self-reflection, common sins in confession, etc…) but your spiritual director doesn’t think it is true. Mine keeps telling me I am not proud — but we end up in this weird argument where I assert that I am and he says that my reply is what a humble person would say. And how much does it matter if he agrees with me on that major fault or not? It seems to me to be important, but on the other hand, things are otherwise fine in direction.

A: The good news is that it sounds like you have an honest and open relationship with your director. This is a great starting point for the answer to your question. The first step is to ensure that you actually do disagree. To do this, it would be important to make sure that you both agree on the definitions of the root sins in question along with the corresponding manifestations. Once you agree on definitions, then you can talk through your self-reflections and pattern of confession in order to find common ground on a proper diagnosis.

What if after all that work you still disagree? Well, this is where the idea of docility and obedience comes in with spiritual direction.

Docility is an area of great importance in the spiritual direction relationship and can easily be misunderstood. This is especially true of modern seekers who often recoil at the slightest idea of submission or subjection of one’s will to the guidance of another. With modern western Catholic writers on the topic of spiritual direction, you may find strongly stated cautions regarding this issue. Often this is because of sincere sensitivity to abuse and a legitimate concern to ensure that the directee remains totally free to follow or discard any of the guidance received in direction. In Eastern Church traditions (e.g., Greek or Russian Orthodox), you are more likely to find equally strong statements on the other end of the spectrum. In the East, any directee would be cautioned to avoid spiritual direction if they are not ready and willing to completely open and submit their soul to obedience to another. In the East, the sincere concern is that the directee overcome any delusion or self-deception. In reality, both of the extreme forms of these concerns can result in unintended problems. Simply put, if you are docile to misdirection, you will be misdirected to your own detriment and by your own choice. If you are stubborn toward sound direction, you will misdirect yourself, likely to great spiritual detriment. Because of the abuses on the overly submissive side of the spectrum, there is often an equal and opposite overreaction. As is common with opposite extremes, wisdom resides closer to the middle. The key is that you should always maintain your freedom to act according to your own will in your submission to God, and you should maintain an equal readiness to humbly accept the insight and direction of any director who is worthy of your trust. Here’s a little more insight into the ideas of docility and obedience.

Docility: True docility is an essential ingredient in any successful spiritual direction relationship. What is docility? Docility is a humble readiness to follow God’s will for our lives. This is sometimes expressed in the willingness to listen to and follow imperfect counsel from an imperfect person,  even when we disagree or don’t completely understand. It is critical to remember that we are in spiritual direction because we recognize that the human condition requires outside counsel to grow. The fact that we are finite fallen creatures requires that someone help us to see the areas of our souls that we cannot see without help. Even if our director is wrong on a particular matter (assuming the direction is not something sinful), we will most assuredly benefit from heading down paths that we would not have chosen on our own. This simple exercise of taking unfamiliar paths will reveal things to us that we would have never been able to see without having been prompted to do so.

Obedience: Some writers on the topic of spiritual direction make a distinction between what they call docility and obedience. Typically, they will point out that obedience is something that occurs only in a slave-to-master relationship when the slave has no will of their own. This approach is often a well-intended overstatement to make the point. It is true that no directee should act in such a way as to substitute the will and desires of the director for their own. It is also true that no directee is, by definition, sinning if they choose to disobey their spiritual director (unless of course their counsel echoes the commands of God himself or falls within the context of religious life). Yet it can be a profound act of holiness to obey our spiritual director, particularly when what they are suggesting is something that is very difficult but may nonetheless lead us to a deeper relationship with Christ. The key here is to remember that God never usurps our free will; neither should a spiritual director. It is important to reiterate that a spiritual director is not able to influence our lives without our consent. If what we are directed to do is in keeping with God’s law as reflected in Church teaching, and we are choosing to obey by our own choice, we are on solid spiritual ground and will likely find great blessings through our obedience.

All that said, you are in a very good place: 1) you are in spiritual direction; 2) you are working diligently in the area of self-knowledge; and 3) you are taking the entire process very seriously. I have no doubt that, whatever course of action you take in this situation, you will find yourself moving into a deeper relationship with Christ!

Happy New Year!

Seek Him – Find Him – Follow Him

Dan

How much should I reveal to my spiritual director on my first visit?

Q: Dear Catholic Spiritual Direction, how much are you supposed to reveal to your spiritual director on your first visit? Are you supposed to go back to your first sin, like a general confession? I have found a priest who is willing to be my spiritual director, and I just want to know how much and how far back should I discuss with him on my first meeting.

A: Great questions! I will address the easy one first.

What does your spiritual director want you to reveal in your first visit?

The answer to this will likely be very simple. Good directors know that the first and most important task is to make a personal connection with you. They know that trust and openness only develops in an atmosphere of personal relationship. So, the simple answer is to ask them what they would like you to come prepared to discuss.

With respect to the specifics of your question, I very much doubt that they will have any interest in sins of your distant past. Their task is to identify where you are today in your spiritual journey and to work with you to discern the path that God is calling you to today.

On to the more difficult question.

What do you want to reveal, or what should you reveal, in your first visit?

In my upcoming handbook on spiritual direction, I discuss this in detail. Before you continue on to the exercises I suggest below, it would be good if you could print this out and take it with you, along with a notebook and pen, into adoration. Spend some time in quiet before the Lord and ask for the help of the Holy Spirit to reveal to you the things that are most important on your journey to him.

Basically, so that you are well prepared, you should review the spiritual history of your life in stages or periods (preteen, teen, young adult, etc.). Note the highlights and lowlights of your relationship with God. Take care to be clear about your current drive to seek spiritual direction. What triggered this impulse? Is there  a significant life event that has you thinking more about eternal matters? For instance, often the death or severe illness of a loved one can draw us to the well of suffering and exploration of our spiritual lives.

Next, outline your present spiritual status. How is your prayer life? Are you struggling with any particular aspect of prayer? How often do you participate in the sacraments of the Church? How often do you go to confession, adoration, Mass, etc.? What is your perception of God? What motivates you in your spiritual life? Is your motivation based on fear? Is it based on duty? Is it based on love?

Finally, outline your goals for spiritual direction. What is it that you hope to gain from your work in spiritual direction?

Well, I could say a lot more (and do so in the book), but this should be a good start.

I would be grateful to hear how it goes (both the preparation and the meeting).

Be assured you are in my prayers.

Seek Him – Find Him – Follow Him,

Dan

PS: Don’t forget to review our collection of posts on the topic of spiritual direction. There is a great deal more that you would likely find helpful there.

Spiritual direction orientation – it takes time… and patience

Have you ever been in an unfamiliar area and stopped to ask a local for directions only to find that the well intended helper begins to rattle off street names, turns, and landmarks faster than you can blink? Why does this happen? It really is very simple. Our chosen helper is very familiar with the area. He or she is simply working at a pace that makes complete sense to them; though almost none to us. The challenge is that even if our helpers are extremely benevolent, we will rarely find one who will recognize the glazed over look in our eyes and slow down enough to really help us to get to our desired destination.

In spiritual direction we have the same problem for both the director and the directee – particularly when the relationship is new. My wife recently went to confession at a local parish (it is a good thing she has a sense of humor) and the direction after confession was that she “get her life in order and start praying.” At this point in her life I can attest that she was praying at least forty-five minutes a day and well into a solid position in her spiritual journey. Why then did he give such poor advice? Simply put, he was moving too fast and did not take the time to really orient himself to her situation before he provided input. Now, granted, confession is not a great time to receive spiritual direction (especially right before mass as in this case), however, confessors and directors still need to be cautious with their assumptions.

Proper orientation takes time. For the director he or she needs to move slowly and prayerfully before offering feedback. However, the same is true for the directee. It is very important that the directee not expect the director to quickly get to the point and solve all their spiritual challenges in one sitting.  Good experienced spiritual directors will never jump into giving advice without developing a relationship; without developing a solid understanding of the complex landscape of the soul they are seeking to serve.

For directors, be cautious of the dangerous rut of pat answers. Don’t miss the opportunity to really help someone to God because your many conversations are all blurring into one. If you are struggling to really connect with a person, don’t feel pressure to rush into a response. Instead, the struggle should be a signal that you too need to slow down, pray, listen, and wrestle to find clarity about the real issues at play.

Regardless of which side of the equation you find yourself on, the key is to slow down. For directees, ensure you are open and clear about the challenges you face. Don’t look for quick answers to complex questions. If you are not going to spiritual direction with Padre Pio, don’t expect a mere mortal to be able to understand and help after just twenty minutes of discussion. It may take months for you both to understand the Holy Spirit’s leading in your soul.

Seek Him – Find Him – Follow Him

Dan