Faithful priests are too busy… what do I do? How can I find a spiritual director?

Q: Dear Father Burtka, my director is a wonderful, caring person but is also quite a bit less inclined to follow the magisterium than I am. I wish I had the opportunity to see a faithful priest from time to time. I have tried hard to find a priest willing to provide me with spiritual direction (especially now, as I am going through some severe moral crises and sufferings); however, I have been turned down repeatedly because they are too busy to meet with any individuals, especially if it would be for more than one brief meeting. This appears to be a serious problem: if a priest is too busy to give spiritual and moral guidance to a faithful follower who is facing grave hardship, then that priest is TOO busy. Why do priests seem to regard spiritual direction as an unreasonable burden?

A: I would begin by saying that not all priests regard spiritual direction as a burden. Many priests that I know consider it one of their main priorities. In fact, after celebrating the sacraments and preaching the Word, it is one of the best ways that a priest has to help others. And perhaps herein we find one possible reason for your experience that priests just don’t have time: they may have many Masses to celebrate (especially on Sundays) and multiple confessions to hear, especially if we reflect on the fact that most priests help out in at least one other parish than their own on a regular basis. When you throw in the preaching that must be prepared, the time begins to add up. The biggest burden for the priest, however, is usually parish administration. Before being ordained, he probably does not realize the amount of time this will pilfer from his apostolate and, in many cases, how much worry it will cause. All of this may leave him wary about taking on more and more stable commitments. But enough about reasons or excuses; there are many more than I mention here – objective as well as subjective ones.

The fact remains that spiritual direction is a vital help and you have not been able to  find a priest director. This must be very frustrating. You are not alone in this challenge.

Aside from giving you insight into the burden most priests carry,  another way I can think to assist you is to point out a few options for finding a director that you may not have considered. Here are a few ideas from Dan Burke’s upcoming book on spiritual direction (a sneak peak, if you will):

• Your Diocesan Office: There are several types of leads you can find by calling your diocese. First, they can point you to those known for spiritual direction in your area. Second, they can also point you to religious orders or retreat centers in your area. Also, don’t hesitate to venture beyond your own diocesan boundaries if the list of options runs too short. As well, don’t hesitate to consider a well-trained and experienced lay person as an option.
• Priests/Confessors in Your Parish or Surrounding Parishes: If you have found a good confessor, someone who has been particularly helpful to you with advice or dialogue during or after confession, don’t hesitate to ask them one simple question: “I would be grateful if I could follow up with you on this matter in the near future; can I call you for an appointment?”
• Faithful Catholic Affiliation Groups: If you have groups in your diocese like Catholics United for the Faith, Familia, or other solid groups, begin attending their meetings and connecting with people who take their faith seriously. An important thing to remember is that this might be a long process and if you are called to it, you need to maintain your commitment for as long as it takes. Our God knows your needs and desires to bring you closer to himself, and he will do so as long as you keep striving and stumbling towards him. Sometimes the painstaking search for an orthodox director is just as important to the process as spiritual direction itself.

A semi-shortcut through this maze can be found in the many faithful movements and orders within the Church. Those that have maintained a solid grip on orthodox Catholicism often provide means for their members to deepen their faith in many helpful ways, including spiritual direction. Essentially, when approaching these organizations we are looking to adopt a rule of life. That is, we are looking for a specific spiritual path that can help to focus our spiritual disciplines and practice of virtue. Often these organizations follow the fruitful paths of the saints who founded them (like Saint Francis and the Franciscans) or those who played significant roles within them (like Saint John of the Cross in the Carmelite order). Obviously, becoming a third-order or lay Carmelite or Franciscan is a serious commitment. However, for those who take their faith seriously, these commitments have benefits that far outweigh any related challenges.

To be clear, it is not necessary to become a cloistered nun or a hermit to reap the benefits of these beautiful gifts to the Church. Most of them have lay organizations for people just like you. A few good examples of more recent spiritualities that have emerged in the Church are  Apostles of the Interior Life (www.apostlesofil.org), Opus Dei (www.opusdei.org), and Regnum Christi (www.regnumchristi.org). As well, secular institutes like Voluntas Dei (www.voluntasdeiusa.org) can provide a great deal of support for their members regarding spiritual and apostolic living. You can find more information on secular institutes at www.secularinstitutes.org. The constitutions or canonical provisions of these and many more are approved either by the Holy See or local bishops, and the direction they provide for the spiritual life can be of enormous spiritual value. You can contact these organizations via their Web sites to find information about activities in your area.

Spiritual direction is making a comeback in the Church, and seminary formation programs are rediscovering its tremendous value. Hopefully, little by little your difficulties will be a thing of the past. Don’t give up the fight. The challenges you are facing might be the very thing you  need right now to deepen your faith. Christ is at work in you. Yield to that work and continue to strive to know him.

Yours in Christ, Father Joseph Burtka, LC

Can someone be their own spiritual director? I have not been able to find a director… what should I do in the mean time?

Q: Father John, I haven’t been able to find a spiritual director yet (which is kind of frustrating). I am still looking, but what should I do in the meantime? Can someone be their own spiritual director?

A: This is a deeper question than you might think. First, continue to ask God to put you in touch with someone who can be your spiritual director. (If you haven’t read the post about how to find a spiritual director, you may find it helpful.) Judging by the surveys we have done on this blog, you are not alone. You can count on my prayers for this intention.

The second part of your question opens up some critical issues. Can someone be their own spiritual director? On the surface, the answer is obvious: of course not. The main point of spiritual direction is providing oneself with an objective point of view. As the old proverb puts it: no one is a good judge in their own case. When a quarterback is leading his team on the field, he can see a lot of what’s going on, but his coaches up in the box have a bird’s eye view of the whole field, and their input will usually mean the difference between victory and defeat. We all tend to favor our strong suits and ignore our weaknesses. This is true for musicians, athletes, actors… It’s a human thing. That’s why in all areas of expertise and growth, a good coach, instructor, or teacher is so necessary. They shed light on our blind-spots and encourage us to pay attention not only to what we want to work on, but to what we really need to work on. This objective point of view is all the more valuable because of the director’s larger share of wisdom and experience. In the 1981 Academy Award winning film, Chariots of Fire, based on a true story, the Olympic runner Harold Abrahams realizes that if he wants to win a medal, he can’t depend solely on his extraordinary natural talent and exemplary dedication. He has to find a coach. He does, and it pays off.

But there is another side to this issue. Even if we have a good spiritual director, that is no guarantee of spiritual growth. A medical doctor can prescribe a certain medicine to cure an ailment, but the patient then needs to take that medicine. A spiritual director can point out a path to greater spiritual maturity, but it’s up to each one of us to generously, perseveringly, and enthusiastically pursue that path. Spiritual direction is one of the tools the Holy Spirit uses to shape us into the saints he created us to be, but it’s only one of the tools, and its effectiveness depends primarily on our own sincerity, docility, and determination to seek an ever greater friendship with Christ.

So, if you are having trouble finding a spiritual director, you don’t need to worry about it. If you are making a reasonable effort to look for one, God will honor that, even if the search is a long one (God has his reasons). In the meantime, the Lord isn’t just twiddling his thumbs and checking his watch. Not at all! He is still the Lord, and he can direct you and guide you closer to his heart, if that’s what you really want. He offers us so many other means of spiritual growth – some might say too many! Here are a few questions you can ask yourself as you continue to pray for and seek a spiritual director:

• Are you going regularly (every 15 days is a good rule of thumb) to confession and preparing well for it?
• Is your Eucharistic life (frequent communion, Mass, and adoration) robust or anemic?
• Are you spending time daily in mental prayer?
• Are you reading good spiritual books (here’s a list just for those who have yet to find a director) and cultivating healthy friendships with other people who are also seeking to follow Christ more closely?
• Do you choose entertainment and relaxation activities that ennoble your soul instead of merely distracting your mind (good literature and art, contact with nature, rich music and intelligent films…)?
• Are you putting a respectable effort into finding ways to bring others closer to Christ, to build up your local Church?

All of these activities will build your friendship with Christ, and the Holy Spirit will speak to you and guide you as you pursue them, whether or not you have been able to find a good spiritual director or confessor.

So, in short, don’t give in to those feelings of frustration. They are a sign that you are eager to seek Christ, an eagerness that can come only from God. But they also may be a sign that you are a bit impatient, wanting God to go at your preferred pace, instead of patiently and trustingly following along at his (much wiser, even if more uncomfortable) pace.

Yours in Christ, Father John Bartunek, LC

PS from Dan: You can also find great tips for finding a spiritual director in our Spiritual Direction Index and in Father Thomas Dubay’s excellent book, “Seeking Spiritual Direction.”

Spiritual Direction Post and Series Index

Dear Friends,

To make it easier for you to find key posts on spiritual direction we have updated our Spiritual Direction Index page. As well, we have ordered the posts in a way in keeping with the flow of topics. Click here or go to the upper right hand corner of the site and click on “Spiritual Direction.”

Seek Him – Find Him – Follow Him,

Dan

How can I determine if a spiritual director is faithful to the church?

Q: Dear Father Joseph, I am hesitant to go to a local priest for spiritual direction because I am worried about his submission, or lack of submission to the Church. He is a good priest but he has made some confusing comments about abortion and a few political topics etc. Are there simple questions I can ask and a way to ask (that would not be offensive) to help me determine if a particular priest or lay person (a potential spiritual director) is faithful to the teachings of the Church? I don’t want to end up with spiritual mis-direction. This is all far too important to me.

A: Spiritual direction is a long standing tradition in the Church and an excellent means for growing in prayer life and in sanctity. Seeing our lives from an outside, objective source is a great way to know ourselves better so as to better ourselves more quickly and efficiently.

With that in mind, your question is a happy one because it shows the interest that you have in wanting to grow in your relationship with Christ. You are not satisfied with your present level and you are searching for a guide to help you to grow. I am sure that this desire comes from the Holy Spirit and will not go unrewarded.

The best recommendation that I can give you is one that St John of the Cross gives, and that is quoted in the Catechism of the Catholic Church in number 2690: “the person wishing to advance toward perfection should ‘take care into whose hands he entrusts himself, for as the master is, so will the disciple be, and as the father is so will be the son.’” In other words, look to put yourself into the hands of someone whom you admire for his personal sanctity and life of prayer.

In the formulation of your question, you hint at the fact that your priest may not be this person for you; you are hesitant and unsure about his doctrinal formation and preparation. This is not a good way to start a spiritual direction relationship. Perhaps the first thing you should do is get to know your priest better. Ask for an appointment to speak with him, or participate in a parish activity that allows you more contact with him. You will get to know another side of your priest that cannot be seen in a formal moment of preaching and that may dispel some of your worries (and hopefully not add to them).

When you finally do have that one on one meeting (that can be in or outside of confession), ask him about your problems and needs. Are his answers prayerful ones? Do they bring peace? Is there anything that doesn’t seem to chime with Catholic morals and doctrine? Does he recommend prayer and greater self discipline or self denial? Does he push you towards holiness? When you leave, do you feel challenged towards being more generous with Christ? I think that these are the types of questions you should have in mind regarding the holiness and preparation of that person that you have chosen as spiritual guide.

Lastly, in your question you mention that your priest has made some confusing comments regarding abortion and politics. St John of the Cross in the same aforementioned Catechism number also refers to learning, discretion and experience. Again, it would appear that you do not find these qualities in your priest. If you still think these are lacking after coming to know him better, it would be best to look for someone who corresponds more to your needs.

All Priests do not share the same gifts. Some are better at preaching than at direction of souls. Look for that priest in whom you most see the image of Jesus Christ. And pray for your priests – we all have a great need of growing in holiness so as to help our own souls and those in our care.

Yours in Christ, Father Joseph Burtka, LC

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Skype and remote spiritual direction… is this ok?

Q: Dear Father John, I have loved reading your blog and have gained many insights from it that I will put into practice! I have been wondering about a spiritual direction question: I live quite a distance from the priest I would prefer to seek direction from and it is difficult for us to connect. I was wondering if it was possible to do spiritual direction remotely using a phone, email or video messaging (eg: Skype). I understand sacramental confession cannot be done via such methods but I was wondering if using these technologies for remote spiritual direction might be permitted if both parties agreed.

A: Thank you for the encouragement and for the excellent question. Remote spiritual direction is certainly permitted, if both parties agree. In fact, throughout the history of the Church, spiritual direction through letters has been a fairly common, though not normal, practice. Usually, however, it is a practice used by directors and directees who have already established a person-to-person relationship, or who are already fairly advanced in the spiritual life. The practice has also usually occurred in situations where there really was no other choice. St Francis Xavier, for example, received his spiritual and apostolate guidance from St Ignatius Loyola solely through letters, once he began his missionary work.

That said, in general, remote direction is not encouraged, especially if you are just starting to receive spiritual direction. I think you can figure out why. Much of spiritual direction involves the two people getting to know and trust each other. And that takes so much longer when it has to happen remotely. We communicate more than we realize through our postures, expressions, and other intangible signals at work in same-space, face-to-face situations. When we substitute remote connections, even video connections, all of that is truncated. In such a situation, it is hard to make steady progress.

If you really see no alternative (have you read the post about looking for a spiritual director?), and your director agrees, the challenge will be to keep your interaction clear and objective. Your biggest ally in that effort will be drawing up a program of life, and structuring your directions around that. I would also recommend making a special effort to meet same-space, face-to-face, at least once in a while (every fourth month, for example) if at all possible.

I hope these thoughts are helpful. I will say a prayer that you find a good spiritual director.

Peace in Him, Father John Bartunek, LC