How do I know if I am ready for spiritual direction?

Q: Dear Father John, though I have read many of your posts on spiritual direction, I am still struggling with taking the leap and making an appointment. I do want to grow in my relationship to Christ but how do I know if I am really ready for this and it is the right thing for me right now? It is a bit intimidating and I don’t want to waste anyone’s time…

A: Relax. The first thing you need to know is that God is already hard at work in your soul. The mere fact that you are having this struggle is proof of it. Really. Imagine how pleased our Lord is as he sees you wanting to come closer to him and wondering about whether spiritual direction is a good next step… So many of his children never think of him at all, and you are thinking about new ways to know, love, and follow him better! This is clear evidence that the Holy Spirit is guiding you. And if he has been guiding you thus far, he will continue to do so. As Cardinal Newman put it in one of his famous poems: “…So long Thy power has blessed me; sure it still will lead me on…” Be sure he will keep leading you on.

The easiest way for you to see if you are ready for this is to try it. For example, you could go on a retreat (preferably a spiritual exercises retreat), and meet with a spiritual director during the retreat. See how it goes, see what it feels like, see if it helps you. Or, you could simply ask for a one-time meeting with a spiritual director to talk about what you are doing and what more you could be doing to grow spiritually. Having an initial experience will help you discern if God is offering you this means of growth. You can do this without making a long-term commitment.

But in general, I would offer two other reflections. First, spiritual direction is not just for the elite. Every Christian can benefit from this kind of guidance, as long as they are sincere about trying to know, love, and follow Jesus more closely. You may have the impression that spiritual direction is only for spiritual marines. No. As a general principle, I would say that spiritual direction is the right thing for everyone all the time, if it is the kind of direction we are describing here on this site.

Second, you may be overestimating the role of spiritual direction. You don’t graduate from confession to spiritual direction, for example. Not at all. The sacraments, moral virtue, and prayer remain the irreplaceable staples of our spiritual diets. Spiritual direction merely helps us make better use of those means of growth that God has given us. It helps us create more space for the Holy Spirit to work in and through us. It is like a catalyst for improvement in the other, more central relationships and activities of life in a fallen world. Getting spiritual direction doesn’t involve leaving any of those things behind.

Finally, don’t listen to the voice saying that you would be wasting someone’s time. If you are willing to be sincere and docile in receiving direction, and if God provides someone willing to direct you, that person will be fulfilling their mission (as a spiritual director) by helping you fulfill your mission of drawing closer to Christ. And what could be a better use of time than that?

Yours in Christ, Father John Bartunek, LC, STL

Drawing: The artwork is from Karen Ku. If this link doesn’t work, go to www.karenku.com

Spiritual direction orientation – it takes time… and patience

Have you ever been in an unfamiliar area and stopped to ask a local for directions only to find that the well intended helper begins to rattle off street names, turns, and landmarks faster than you can blink? Why does this happen? It really is very simple. Our chosen helper is very familiar with the area. He or she is simply working at a pace that makes complete sense to them; though almost none to us. The challenge is that even if our helpers are extremely benevolent, we will rarely find one who will recognize the glazed over look in our eyes and slow down enough to really help us to get to our desired destination.

In spiritual direction we have the same problem for both the director and the directee – particularly when the relationship is new. My wife recently went to confession at a local parish (it is a good thing she has a sense of humor) and the direction after confession was that she “get her life in order and start praying.” At this point in her life I can attest that she was praying at least forty-five minutes a day and well into a solid position in her spiritual journey. Why then did he give such poor advice? Simply put, he was moving too fast and did not take the time to really orient himself to her situation before he provided input. Now, granted, confession is not a great time to receive spiritual direction (especially right before mass as in this case), however, confessors and directors still need to be cautious with their assumptions.

Proper orientation takes time. For the director he or she needs to move slowly and prayerfully before offering feedback. However, the same is true for the directee. It is very important that the directee not expect the director to quickly get to the point and solve all their spiritual challenges in one sitting.  Good experienced spiritual directors will never jump into giving advice without developing a relationship; without developing a solid understanding of the complex landscape of the soul they are seeking to serve.

For directors, be cautious of the dangerous rut of pat answers. Don’t miss the opportunity to really help someone to God because your many conversations are all blurring into one. If you are struggling to really connect with a person, don’t feel pressure to rush into a response. Instead, the struggle should be a signal that you too need to slow down, pray, listen, and wrestle to find clarity about the real issues at play.

Regardless of which side of the equation you find yourself on, the key is to slow down. For directees, ensure you are open and clear about the challenges you face. Don’t look for quick answers to complex questions. If you are not going to spiritual direction with Padre Pio, don’t expect a mere mortal to be able to understand and help after just twenty minutes of discussion. It may take months for you both to understand the Holy Spirit’s leading in your soul.

Seek Him – Find Him – Follow Him

Dan

Is it normal to feel apprehension about submitting to the spiritual direction process?

Q: Dear Father John, I am a new Catholic. I found your blog after searching for information on Catholic Spiritual Direction. My parish priest has found a director for me, a lady, whom I have not met yet. To be honest, I am somewhat terrified of sharing my thoughts and (things I learn) in person. I’m more of a writer. I don’t mind writing about that which I have learned as a result of overcoming trials-sorry to be vague here-it is embarrassing for me.

I don’t know if I can verbally sit in front of someone and talk about these things-though. Is it normal to feel apprehension about submitting to the direction process?

A: Totally, absolutely, positively normal. Let me get personal here for a moment. I have been a member of a religious order for almost seventeen years. In my first four years, I had weekly spiritual direction. Then every other week for the next six years. Since my ordination, I have been receiving spiritual direction monthly. Still, even after seventeen years, every time I prepare for spiritual direction, I have to battle apprehension, anxiety, and feelings of downright distaste. I have to overcome temptations to procrastinate or even to concoct some kind of vapid excuse not to go. This happens every time. And yet, I know from experience that it is ALWAYS well worth it to overcome those feelings. The results of spiritual direction, even when the direction simply consists of a spiritual report and a simple “you’re on the right track, keep going” from my director, never fails to boost my soul and strengthen me for life’s battle.

It may help you to reflect on some of the reasons behind this apprehension, and then look at some ways to avoid letting it paralyze you.

What’s Going On?

First, there are natural reasons. Certain people are somewhat shy or non-verbal by temperament – if you are a writer, this may be your case. And everyone, regardless of temperament, is nervous about being judged or misunderstood. When we open our interior nooks and crannies to someone, when we speak about our shortcomings and sinful tendencies, for example, we make ourselves vulnerable to ridicule or condemnation. Also, when we venture into conversation about these spiritual things, we come into contact with our own ignorance – not a pleasant aspect of ourselves to expose to others. Finally, if we are just starting, or if we are switching spiritual directors, all these reasons are exacerbated by the reality that our spiritual director is, basically, a stranger. (This last factor will lessen over time, if the director really is someone seeking to help you grow in your friendship with Christ.)

Second, there are supernatural reasons. We must never, ever, forget that we are not alone in our spiritual journey. God and his saints and angels are interested and on our side, but the devil and his minions are also interested, and they are not on our side. They are motivated by hatred for God. They express that hatred by trying to draw us away from his friendship. They know how valuable spiritual direction can be for our growth in that friendship. And so, their logical conclusion: “Keep those humans away from spiritual direction!” The tempter, therefore, will try to confuse us, try to stir up all kinds of ideas (e.g. I know more than my spiritual director, anyway, so why do I need to talk to her?…) and emotions (e.g. I am just so afraid of actually saying this about myself!…) that deflect us from following through on this worthy commitment. If we forget about this, we simply won’t understand half of what happens inside our heads as we prepare for spiritual direction (or any other time, for that matter).

There may be other reasons too, subjective ones, maybe deeper ones. Sometimes we have some subconscious fears or issues, specific to our own personality and upbringing, that can add to the apprehension. All the more reason to persevere, so as to allow spiritual direction to help us discover what’s really going on in there. In your particular case, a subjective factor may be the newness of Catholic spirituality. If you converted from Protestantism, you are used to a very private spirituality, a relationship with Christ that is just “me and God.” If you converted from Orthodoxy, you are used to an extremely public spirituality, one that often doesn’t dig too far into the depths of self-analysis, preferring to bask in the glory of liturgy and tradition. In either case, the kind of interpersonal dynamic that happens in spiritual direction would be new, and therefore uncomfortable.

Brass Tacks

So, what to do about all these obstacles?

• The most helpful thing is to have a simple, firm structure that you follow, both in preparing and then in having spiritual direction. You should work this structure out together with your director, but we have made some suggestions here.
• Then, don’t forget that your spiritual director is only one-third of the ingredients. You and the Holy Spirit together constitute the other two-thirds. The Holy Spirit will always do his part, so if you do your part, you are two-thirds covered, regardless of how well you may or may not connect, humanly, with your director. The mere act of preparing for and going to spiritual direction exercises all the great Christian virtues – humility, faith, hope, courage, charity… So, even if no mighty insights emerge, you will be a better Christian after each direction than your were before.
• Finally, keep looking for ways to improve your spiritual direction. For example, you mentioned that you express yourself well in writing. Well, you can discuss with your director the possibility of sending a kind of spiritual report a couple days before your direction, summarizing the previous month. Then the director can use that as the outline for what you talk about during direction. Or, to take another example, you can agree to start every direction by speaking about the good things that have happened in your spiritual life over the past month – this can help get the ball rolling. In short, keep adjusting, keep looking for ways to maximize the effectiveness of this longstanding means for spiritual growth. This will help you be proactive, thereby lessening the apprehension that can assail you as you seek to follow the Lord more closely.

God bless you!

Fr John Bartunek, LC, STL

How do I deal with psychological issues surfaced in spiritual direction?

Q: Dear Father John, when a major issue (in this case, abuse) that surfaces with the help of my spiritual director bleeds over from the psychological realm into the spiritual, how (and when) do I get away from it in my spiritual direction so I can get to the spiritual issues of prayer, discernment, etc.?

A: It is difficult to answer this question, because the timing involved in any healing process like the kind you mention isn’t fixed. It depends on factors that are highly personal and often impossible to identify fully. Nevertheless, the question is an excellent one, so I will try to share some thoughts, hoping that you find them helpful.

First off, even from the few sentences you have written, it is abundantly clear to me that the Holy Spirit is very close to you, and that you have learned to hear and follow his promptings (those promptings are usually little more than a good idea that pops onto your internal radar screen). You are discovering, I think, that God is faithful, even when others are not. From God’s perspective, what matters most is that we come to know, love, and follow him more and more closely every day, so that we can enjoy him more fully in heaven forever. Because of his infinite goodness, wisdom, and power, he can make that happen even in the aftermath of evil. As St Augustine said, “For almighty God. . ., because he is supremely good, would never allow any evil whatsoever to exist in his works if he were not so all-powerful and good as to cause good to emerge from evil itself.” But at the same time, as the Catechism reminds us, “Faith gives us the certainty that God would not permit an evil if he did not cause a good to come from that very evil, by ways that we shall fully know only in eternal life” (#324). I sense that you are learning this wisdom, that God is teaching it to you. As you continue to learn it, he will also give you chances and put you into situations where you can help others learn it too (get ready).

Now, onto the question: What will help you keep a balance in your spiritual work as the psycho-emotional healing process continues moving forward? I think the key factor in this period will be your program of life. This is what keeps us objective. It identifies our root sin, and also the concrete virtues that we personally most need to develop in our pursuit of holiness. In other words, it enables and empowers proactive spiritual work. This helps us move away from a primarily reactive or subjective spiritual environment. How can you (personally, in the here-and-now of your unique life-situation) be more Christ-like in your relationships, in the carrying out of your responsibilities, in your efforts to build the Church? How can you (you personally) live the sacraments more deeply, learn to hear the Holy Spirit better and better in your contemplation and meditation on God’s Word? How can you (you personally) divide and conquer for Christ the territory of your heart… As you identify the areas of virtue where you need to grow, the emotional and psychological issues will begin to re-dimension themselves, and you will see them as obstacles and opportunities in your proactive spiritual effort (though depending on their intensity, you may need to get specific psychological help as well – nothing to be afraid of). And so you will be able to face them as you would face any obstacles and opportunities: in the bright and attractive light of God’s personal (to you specifically) call to holiness, lasting happiness, and Christian fruitfulness. The program of life is a tool that can help you make that happen, though it will take time to transition from reactive to proactive. Be patient. God’s grace will be the driving force.

If you are already using a program of life, go over it again, read over our blog entry on how to use it, and make a point of speaking with your spiritual director about polishing it up and turning it into a more practical and living document. Then use it as the blueprint for your spiritual direction, as well as the themes of your personal prayer. If you’re not using one yet, you have a treat in store! If possible, I would also recommend that you go on a trustworthy Spiritual Exercises retreat (this is usually the best place to get a grip on a really accurate program of life – but don’t wait until you can do that before getting your program of life going). Unfortunately, some silent retreats aren’t as gospel-centered as others. I know that my own order offers weekend Spiritual Exercises for lay people throughout the year, in a few different locations. You may be able to find information about them at www.regnumchristi.org.

I hope this is somewhat helpful, and I promise to remember you in my prayers. God bless you!

Yours in Christ, Father John Bartunek, LC

Mysticism – spiritual direction – frustrations – modern perceptions – what do I do?

Q: Fr. John, at some point would you address the issues facing modern mystics? For example, most spiritual directors do not seem to have experience with mysticism. Even some priests I have encountered believe that God no longer acts in this way with his people, but it has been my personal experience that he does. It is very difficult finding others with similar experiences. Fortunately, I have found an elderly priest who can find occasional time to help me, and I have received advice from a priest who has written extensively on the topic. I think that means I have perhaps been blessed more than other mystics. However, the priests to whom I can go for confession are not mystics; in some cases, they have not even accepted mysticism and I am left with making partial confessions, carefully avoiding anything that seems out of the ordinary and too supernatural. It is all quite disappointing and frustrating. Any advice?

A: I sense frustration in your question. Watch out! Frustration doesn’t come from the Holy Spirit. Frustration is a function of expectations. When we expect reality to be different than it is, we become frustrated. As soon as we become aware of that frustration, we have to make an act of humility and turn our natural (and sometimes reasonable) complaints into fruitful actions and faith-drenched crosses. In the face of frustration, we have to ask ourselves: Can I do anything (within reason) to change the situation? If so, make a decent effort to do it. If not, however, we have to let go, not allowing it to drain emotional and spiritual energy. One of the devil’s favorite tactics is to keep us focused on things we can’t change, so as to keep us from changing what we can.

That’s a general warning. As regards the specific issue, finding spiritual directors who can give helpful guidance to mystics, it is hard for me to say much more. But I’ll try.

Clarifying Our Terms

The reason it’s hard to address is simple. The words mystic, mystical, and mysticism are not precise. Different people mean different things by them. I am not exactly sure what you mean when you refer to “modern mystics.” I am not sure what you mean when you say that some people think God no longer acts “in this way” with his people. In all fairness, then, I should tell you what I mean by the term. I will use it as a synonym for the more technical, theological term “infused contemplation.” Infused contemplation is a kind of prayer in which the soul no longer does anything and God reaches down and does everything, elevating the person to an ineffable experience of the divine presence. As St. Teresa described it, prayer is when we water the garden of our souls; infused contemplation is when God sends a thunder shower to water it for us.

This can occur in a quiet way, in which the only one aware of it is the one who is praying. Or it can occur in an ecstatic way, in which everyone is aware of it through related phenomena like levitating or the experience of auras.

I don’t use the term as a synonym for miracles. Miraculous experiences of God’s presence can happen without infused contemplation – for example, the experience of visionaries or of people receiving interior locutions. I realize that not everyone will agree with my use of terms. I also realize that by defining them in this way, I may be attempting to answer a question you didn’t ask! But at least you know what I’m talking about.

Removing Misunderstandings

Certainly God continues to work in this way. Every priest has to study this phenomenon in his preparation for ordination during his course on spiritual theology. If any clergy have told you otherwise, perhaps they misunderstood your question, or maybe there was some miscommunication. At least, I hope so.

The experience you describe of difficulty in finding an apt spiritual guide in this situation is not unique to our epoch. If you are not yet familiar with the lives of mystics from past periods, I would recommend that you read the lives of St. Theresa of Avila (1500s), St. Margaret Mary Alocoque (1600s), and even St. Faustina Kowalska (1920s). If I am not mistaken, each one of them experienced deep and prolonged suffering because of the difficulty they had in finding sure guidance. I would even venture to say that finding dependable spiritual guidance is part of the cross for souls who are given this charism. That doesn’t mean anyone is at fault for it. Judging by precedent, we can say that God usually uses this struggle to help purify the soul. So then the question becomes, what is the most fruitful way to carry on that struggle?

Jesus promised that “the one who searches always finds” (Mt 7:8). I would advise you and those like you to pray and search for a spiritual director gifted with enough wisdom to guide you competently. In the meantime, don’t feel as if you have to discuss all of your spiritual experiences in confession. If you don’t have confidence that the confessor will respect you, simply mention your sins and failings without going into anything else, and gladly receive God’s grace through that sacrament. And remember, a good spiritual director doesn’t necessarily have to have experienced mysticism himself in order to guide you effectively. He or she simply has to be someone who is coherent in their vocation and knows the Lord deeply and personally.

Tempting Mystics

But now I want to mention the most important thing. The devil is not absent from the lives of people who are gifted with this kind of experience. In fact, he may be more active. He will tempt you towards arrogance, thinking that because you have been given this gift you are superior to others, both laity and clergy. He will tempt you towards self-sufficiency, thinking that because it’s hard to find a spiritual director you can just figure everything out on your own. He will tempt you towards a subtle spiritual gluttony, thinking that because you have experienced infused contemplation at times, you should always be experiencing it, and therefore prompting you to try and manufacture it every time you pray. He will tempt you towards a subtle impurity of intention, making you pray and do spiritual things in order to experience the delightful mystical gifts, instead of simply seeking to glorify God. The devil may even try to trick you by concocting counterfeit mystical experiences, as he did with St. Ignatius of Loyola.

Unfailing Defense

The sure defense against these and other wily attacks is to take Jesus’ motto as your own: Thy will be done. The test of holiness is not the presence, frequency, or intensity of mystical experience. Rather, it is union of wills. Ask yourself each day, preferably in an evening examination of conscience: How faithfully am I avoiding sin and the occasions of sin? How faithfully am I fulfilling the responsibilities of my state in life? How can I do so more faithfully? How faithfully am I carrying out my Lord’s commandment of charity (“Love one another as I have loved you” – Jn 15:12) in thought, word, and deed, towards relatives, friends, acquaintances, and strangers? How can I do so more faithfully? How energetically am I striving to build up the Church and the world around me? Pay special attention to your words, using them always for good and avoiding all useless criticism. Make sure that your prayer life is always feeding your Christlike living.

This is the difference between Christianity and so many Gnostic pseudo-religions. The latter put mystical experience at the pinnacle of religion; Christ put grace-empowered, self-forgetful love there. If you strive to do the same, you will find meaning even in the midst of the challenges and suffering that mystical experience brings into your life. And you will grow in holiness and give God’s grace more and more room to work in you and through you.

I will leave the last word to St. Teresa of Avila: “Don’t seek feelings of consolations in prayer. Seek the Lord, seek to conform your will to his! If the Lord chooses to give delights and consolations, be grateful, but let them accomplish the purpose for which they were given: to encourage us to persevere in daily taking up our cross and following him.”

As I finish writing this answer, I am sending up a prayer for your continued growth in holiness. God bless you!

Yours in Christ, Fr. John Bartunek, LC