Marital Conscience Exam – Marriage Spirituality Part 3 of 4

So, if you are back for more I think it is safe to assume that we agree that we are our spouses “keeper.” The challenge now, is where to start. The best place, once we understand that we have fallen short, is always the sacrament of reconciliation. We must have the grace of God provided in this sacrament to change the spiritual course of our marriage. But before you go to reconciliation, spend some time in prayer and, if possible, explore this challenge with your spiritual director. Ask Mary and Joseph (the models of the perfect family) to pray for you, to help you see your shortcomings, pray for God’s light as you ask yourself a few tough examen questions we have provided for your reflection:

• Have I neglected the spiritual care of my spouse?
• Have I allowed the busy-ness of life to crowd out my primary responsibility of caring for the spiritual needs of my spouse?
• Have I put my own needs and desires ahead of the spiritual needs of my spouse?
• Have I done anything that distracts my spouse from his/her spiritual development pursuits?
• Have I failed to nurture the spiritual interests of my spouse?
• Have I allowed my own fears or feelings of inadequacy to hinder spiritual activities with my spouse (e.g. praying together)?
• Have I been impatient at the lack of spiritual growth in my spouse and allowed despair to rise, or my hope in Christ to wane?
• Have I stopped praying and making sacrifices for my spouse that they might come to know Christ or to know Christ more fully?
• Have I stopped working on my own spiritual progress in holiness toward my spouse because of offenses that I nurture?
• Have I failed to forgive my spouse as Christ has forgiven me?

The good news is that God will give you the grace and strength necessary to honor your marriage and either deepen your relationship as it stands, or to embark on a new spiritual journey together. If you have taken these posts seriously, you are well on your way to changing the spiritual course of your marriage. The next step is to explore how to make basic commitments and follow through on them. Be assured that God’s grace will be with you as you fight to bring Christ more fully into the center of your relationship.

In Christ, Dan and Stephanie

Series Links

• Part 1 of 4 – Helping Your Spouse to Heaven

• Part 2 of 4 – Daughter of the King

Daughter of the King? Marriage Spirituality Part 2 of 4

Though monarchies are rare these days, my wife is actually the daughter of a very wealthy King. One of the great benefits of this relationship is that he has expressed in no uncertain terms that he loves me and my family and that we will always be welcome in his care. The challenge is that he is also a very powerful King. Though he is benevolent and kind, I do live with an extra sense of caution regarding how I treat my wife. I know that her father is always aware of how his daughter is feeling about our relationship (in fact, I ran this post by him before I published it!).

In order to properly and consistently remind myself of who’s daughter I married, I often address her as “Daughter of the King” or “DOTK” for short (especially when we correspond via e-mail). This reminds her that I hold her in proper high esteem. It also reminds me that she is not just another woman, but that she is of noble stock and is worthy to be treated as such. Her Father, her lineage, the image of the King she bears in her person, and her lofty position with the King, helps me to be ever aware of the need to treat her like the princess she truly is.

As you might suspect, I am not speaking here of a meager earthly King, but of the great King of the Universe; the one who created and sustains all life, all matter, all being, heaven, and hell. Even more ominous is that this King – who truly does know my every thought, intent, and action toward my spouse, can effortlessly and at any moment withdraw the gift of life and bring me face to face to my final judgment.

Now, it is important to note that I love my wife deeply, and am highly motivated by that love; she is an incredible woman and obviously designed by God specifically for me. However, my higher motivation, the one that transcends all earthly and temporal impulse, is to honor the King of Kings; to conform every aspect of my life to Christ, who condescended to become man, lived a perfect life, suffered, and was crucified on my behalf.

Husband or wife, both are made in the image of God. Both, as St. Peter says, are of noble stock, “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation..” The one whom God has entrusted each of us in marriage is a precious gift in God’s sight. The care of their souls is as serious a charge as one can ever receive in life. This most holy responsibility between man and woman must have as its foundation a total self-giving to one who is of royal lineage, and for whom the King has shed his own blood.

Do you see your spouse as a precious child of the King of Kings? Acquiring and living this vision of who we really are is the beginning of the necessary love and reverence required to launch us into the high calling of helping our spouses to heaven.

Seek Him – Find Him – Follow Him – Together

Pax Christi – Dan

Are you helping your spouse to heaven? Marriage Spirituality Part 1 of 4

When my wife and I were going through marriage preparation our mentor couple said something to us that we have never forgotten, “your primary role in marriage is to help one another to heaven.” It was a striking comment that seems so obvious now, but at that time, it was a completely new thought.

It’s a funny thing – I think it’s common for responsible God-loving adults to have this thought about their kids. We instinctively know that God has placed these souls specifically and purposefully in our care. Even with a “Theology of the Body” informed understanding that marriage is fundamentally an act of the complete giving of oneself to another – this idea of specifically bearing responsibility for one another’s spiritual growth and destiny was captivating to both of us.

The good news for us is that we started our relationship out on the right foot. When we entered into the discernment process for marriage we purposed to pray with one another daily. Though we both instinctively committed to do this, the idea was daunting because of the level of intimacy it required – the level of unique exposure that only prayer with someone whom you care about causes. Regardless of the initial discomfort, we set out on the course and have maintained it unwaveringly (yes, even after arguments). Our mutual spiritual commitments are in fact, the most powerful source of the strength in our marriage. It has carried us through a few very difficult periods and has resulted in Christ remaining at the center of our relationship even when he was not always in the center of our own hearts.

So, we leave you with this question. Are you specifically, purposefully, and regularly helping your spouse to heaven?

Yours in Christ,

Dan and Stephanie

PS: We thought we would update and re-post this series for you as we approach St. Valentines Day! Enjoy

Marriage Spirituality – Book Recommendation

On our last post about Marriage Spirituality Rachel asked,

“I like these but is there a prayer that encompasses more of the life and responsibilities spouses share together such as parenting, etc.”

So – this prayer book recommendation is just for you Rachel! Please purchase from us HERE to support this site.

Here’s a summary:

Couples marry intending to share everything. But what about prayer? Do you share your conversations with God? Prayers for Married Couples helps you do just that. It contains over seventy-five prayers that express the hopes, the concerns, and the dreams of today’s married couple. With this book as your guide, the two of you can share, aloud, prayers reflecting a rainbow of circumstances, including:

•    Let Us Learn to Love as You Do
•    Prayer for Troubled Times
•    Staying in Love
•    On Our Anniversary
•    Finding Time for Our Children
•    Accepting Our Failures

As author Renee Bartkowski says, “This is a book that can add a new and deeper dimension to marriage. It can draw couples closer together into a stronger, more spiritual union with God and into a more intimate, perceptive relationship with each other.” Renee has been happily married for many years. She has written several books for children. She wrote Prayers for Married Couples because, even after enjoying many fulfilling years of married life, she and her husband still found it difficult to pray together regularly and needed a book to guide them.

Seek Him – Find Him – Follow Him – Together

Dan and Stephanie Burke