Tag: Spiritual DirectionThe rule of three in the battle against sinQ: Dear Dan, I am struggling with a recurring problem with anger that I can’t seem to overcome. I have read books, tried to understand how it surfaces in me, prayed fervently (I am living in a state of grace outside of this problem). But I seem to be A: Yours is a challenging question. Because of the complex issues involved with this issue and my lack of knowledge of anything about you personally, I can’t give you a specific answer. I can however, point you to principals that I have no doubt will in some way help you face and overcome this challenge. After years of observing intelligent, capable, and committed people work to solve problems, I have come to discover a rule that is almost universally true. Those who use this rule will be significantly more likely to overcome the challenges they face, those who don’t, will likely find themselves frustrated, dejected, and shackled with recurring sin and the debilitating and often disastrous consequences. The rule itself is simple but it depends on a handful of basic realities that are worth a brief moment of exploration.
What can we do about these limitations and challenges? Well, the traditional means of the sacraments, prayer, spiritual reading, etc. are essential. Even so, many people are still stuck in their spiritual battles even after years of faithful practice of these life-giving disciplines. Other, less commonly used but very powerful tools are the combination of a rule of life coupled with a daily examen. Together these dramatically increase our spiritual peripheral vision by making us more self-aware (these practices consistently utilized can also help to shed light on our root sin). These tools help us to become more cognisant of our blind-spots and delusion not because we begin to see them clearly but because we see the patterns of the outcomes more clearly. Remember, you can never clearly see exactly what it is in your blind-spot. Even with these wise and helpful practices, many people still are stuck in their spiritual growth. Why? It is because they don’t practice this simple rule:
Here’s an insight to the solution to this problem from God the Father given to St. Catherine of Sienna on the inherent incompleteness of our design and our clear need for others (Dialogue #7):
So, we are designed with a fundamental need for one another. Humility, mutual dependence and charity, are absolutely necessary for our spiritual growth; they are absolutely necessary for us to overcome serious spiritual challenges. Our culture, fueled by the lies of the enemy, militate against these holy needs and seek to replace them with the anti-virtues of pride, independence, and hyper-individualism. These ant-virtues coupled with fear and vanity have locked up and destroyed many people of good-will who simply would not reach out and get help with the challenges they face. Jesus said that He came to give us life and that more abundantly. Reach out for that life that he offers to you. Don’t settle for less. Get the help you need.
PS: For more in-depth treatment of these ideas, you can pre-order Dan’s book, Navigating the Interior Life – Spiritual Direction and the Journey to God. It is scheduled to be available later in 2012. How can I get a copy of Navigating the Interior Life?Q: Dear Dan, is your book available to buy now? If not, when are you aiming to release it?
Please let others know of this opportunity through email, facebook and twitter. As well, and thank you in advance for your support of the work of Catholic Spiritual Direction! Yours in Christ – Marta How should I prepare for a meeting with my spiritual director?Q: Dear Father John, How should I prepare for a meeting with my spiritual director?
1. Remote preparation. Preparing for your next spiritual direction starts during the last moment of your previous spiritual direction. By making a note of the key insights that you received during direction, and by identifying some concrete actions you will work on, you create your own spiritual map for the coming month. You can capture the insights in meaningful phrases, like “discouragement never comes from God” or “I am impatient because I am arrogant.” You can capture concrete actions in motivational phrases, like “I spend the first three minutes of my commute thanking God for today’s blessings” or “When I come home, I give the first ten minutes entirely to my wife” or “When my friends start to gossip, I change the topic.” Put these phrases in your planner, your journal, your home page – wherever you will be sure to see them regularly. Don’t leave spiritual direction without this map. (By the way, it is not necessary to invent new points in every spiritual direction, but sometimes changing a word or two on a previous phrase can refresh it for you, or sharpen it. Also, your insights and concrete actions should be connected to your “program” or “rule” of life; you should perceive the connection clearly.) 2. Proximate preparation. The day before your spiritual direction, take some time to sit down and look over the map you made after the last spiritual direction. Asking the Holy Spirit for light, analyze the following areas, making notes where relevant (e.g. I really made progress on this point; I made no progress here, and I am not sure why; this crisis came up and it totally derailed me…). Remember, always include the question “Why?” as part of your analysis. The analysis will leave you with things to report and questions to ask. This will be the agenda for your spiritual direction. (Your spiritual director may suggest alterations to the following list; it is meant to be a reference point.) A) The general state of your soul since last spiritual direction B) Difficulties or failures in your moral life since last spiritual direction C) The effectiveness of your motivational phrases from last spiritual direction D) Progress on and results of the concrete actions chosen after your last spiritual direction E) The main points of your program of life, if they were not covered in C and D. F) Challenges and progress in your prayer life, if they were not covered in C and D. G) The quality of the key relationships and responsibilities of your state in life, if they were not covered in C and D. You will not necessary have a lot to say to your spiritual director during each spiritual direction regarding every single one of these points. But as you go through them you will identify those points that you really do need or want to address. This proximate preparation, the calm and prayerful analysis of these areas, is like cleaning out the garage: it refreshes your soul and motivates you to look with enthusiasm towards the coming month of spiritual work. 3. Immediate preparation. A few minutes before your spiritual direction, make a visit to our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament to put everything in his hands. If the Eucharist is not nearby, say a prayer to the Holy Spirit to guide you and your director. Make sure you have the notes from your proximate preparation. Finally, call to mind the real goal of all spiritual direction: to discover more clearly God’s action in your life, and to equip you to respond generously to what he is asking of you. PS: Dan has a new book out on Spiritual Direction that you can find more about at www.NavigatingtheInteriorLife.com. It is scheduled to release later this year. In it, you will find more helpful information on this topic and spiritual direction in general. Who should I go to for spiritual direction? (links repaired)Q: Dear Father John, I’m a new Catholic as of April, 2012. I received spiritual direction that was immensely helpful with a priest about four times, before I was received into the church. While in my first confession, that priest told me I needed A: Welcome home!!! As an adult convert to Catholicism myself, I am always deeply edified and encouraged when I hear of others the Lord has led down similar paths. I would encourage you during these first months as a new Catholic to keep meditating in your heart on St. Paul’s beautiful and powerful phrase: “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6). Trust in God! And that’s where I would like to begin answering your important question. In the midst of this difficulty, which is clearly a painful one, and in the midst of every difficulty that you will face along your journey to the Father’s house, remember that God is right beside you. He protects us from many, many difficulties, and the ones he permits us to face are, from his perspective, opportunities for growth. Be sure of that. Your struggle to find stable and dependable spiritual guidance is, in itself, a magnificent expression of your love for God and your hope in his grace. God will honor that, and he is pleased with that, and he is upholding you even as you continue your search. Even canonized saints (St. Margaret Mary, St. Faustina, St. Elizabeth of Hungary…) faced this difficulty, so you are in good company. Before I offer my own answer to this important question, I want to request that our readers’ share their wisdom. I know that many of our readers have faced this same problem. Please comment on what has helped and hindered you in seeking to resolve it. Priests as Spiritual Directors? I would like to offer three suggestions. But first, a word about parish priests and spiritual direction. No ecclesiastical rule exists on this point. Each parish priest will offer or not offer spiritual direction as he sees fit, in accordance with his possibilities, training, and pastoral priorities. Quite often, parish priests decide not to offer ongoing spiritual direction. And this is very understandable. If a priest’s parish has 2,000 families, and 10 percent of those families asked for regular spiritual direction, the priest would have to spend 100 hours a month in this ministry alone! Parish priests juggle a mind-boggling amount of demands on their time. It helps to keep this in mind. Sometimes we can feel that we are being personally rejected when someone denies our request for spiritual direction, but we shouldn’t. So many other factors can be at work. Ask My first suggestion is to continue your prayer of petition. Keep asking God each day to grant you the guidance you need, and to give you a spiritual director, if it be his will. And trust that God will continue to guide you as you continue your search. He cares even more than you do about your growth in spiritual maturity, about your true, lasting happiness. If you continue to place your life in his hands, day after day, you will give his grace more and more space to work wonders in your soul. Seek Secondly, I would encourage you to read this earlier post, which gives a whole list of possible places and organizations where you may be able to find a spiritual director. This post may be useful too. So, as you continue to ask God to do his part, you should keep on doing your part – searching. Jesus affirmed, “Ask, and you shall receive!” But he also exhorted, “Seek, and you shall find; knock, and the door shall be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7). So keep asking, but also keep seeking and knocking. While you look, don’t be afraid to ask a priest for individual appointments when you feel that you really need some spiritual guidance. Even though many priests can’t commit to ongoing spiritual direction, most make themselves available to meet with people who have questions or particular struggles they need to speak about. Keep Growing Thirdly, what should you do in the meantime? Continue to grow in your prayer life, continue to frequent the sacraments, continue to seek to know, love, and imitate Christ in your daily life (above all, seeking his will), continue to form virtue and overcome vice, and continue to nourish your mind with good Catholic literature. You are doing all of those things already; keep doing them! Keep seeking to “draw closer to God” and “he will draw closer to you” (James 4:8). And while you do, remember the spiritual principle that frustration and discouragement never come from the Holy Spirit. If you are making a decent effort to do what you can to find solid and stable spiritual guidance and to follow Christ each day, God will guide you. Take confidence in that. Trust in him. This earlier post also has some insights regarding what to do “in the meantime.” Help in Other Places As a final thought, it may help you to keep your eyes open also for a spiritual mentor. A mentor is someone you can meet with to talk about your spiritual life, even if this person doesn’t have specific training as a spiritual director. If there is an older woman of faith in your parish, someone you respect, someone you can see that has achieved an attractive degree of spiritual maturity, feel free to invite her out to a cup of coffee, simply saying that you would like to get to know her better and talk to her about the faith. This kind of mentoring isn’t as formal or regular as spiritual direction, but it can do wonders. You may also find support and stimulation to spiritual growth by joining a women’s Bible study or faith-sharing group, or an adult faith-formation program. These kinds of activities allow you to surround yourself with people who share your desire to go deeper spiritually, and the leaders of these groups are often excellent mentors. Such fellowship and friendships can provide key support in dark times. RCIA shouldn’t be the end of your faith-journey, but only the beginning! Can a friend be my spiritual director? Is anyone ever too old to be in spiritual direction?Q: Dear Dan, I’ve been going to spiritual direction for several years with a good friend. At her suggestion I have recently begun seeing a Catholic counselor to deal with issues from my past which have made it difficult for me to progress spiritually, to trust God, etc. Actually she insisted that I must see a counselor if she was One of the first things the counselor suggested was that perhaps I should find another spiritual director because we are so different in temperament and have had some problems in communication resulting in her feeling I’m resistant and me feeling misunderstood and misjudged. And then we both are frustrated. I strongly feel that God brought us together and I want to remain with my present SD as long as she is willing, because she understands many things about me and knows my strengths and weaknesses and background. And I’d like to try to improve the way we communicate and the way I react (which may improve anyway as I go through counseling and find ways to deal with my emotions). I think my question is: can this work? (With God’s help and our good will I hope it can.) How does one know when to change spiritual directors? If you fail with one what are the chances of making progress with another, even if you should find one? Are you ever too old to start spiritual direction? Ever too old to change? I’m in my sixties and feel older than that some days. A: Dear friend, you are an inspiration! So many get stuck because they make some progress, become satisfied, and then complacent, and then, well, it usually doesn’t turn out so well. In the book of Revelation (3:16) the Lord warns that the lukewarm will be spit out of his mouth. So, to answer the age question first, you are never too old to start, never too old to fight, never too old to love and be loved, never to old to make spiritual progress, never too old to be absent of sin, imperfection, and blind spots, and thus never too old for spiritual direction. In fact, you are closer to the Lord than ever (in time), it is even more important to do your best to be prepared to meet him face to face. Your counselor is probably right. Your experience is the reason why I recommend that spiritual direction come outside of the context of a friendship. As an aside, I have no doubt that God has brought you together – but probably for a different reason than you might think. Here are a few more specific examples of the problematic nature of these relationships (these are generally true but not always true and may not all apply to your situation):
All that said, spiritual friendships are very powerful and important. I suspect that you and your friend can rekindle a beneficial spiritual friendship once you take a break for a while. You can do this by taking up a spiritual reading and discussion program with them. Though my limited exposure to your situation could yield misdiagnosis, I think that your question reveals, clearly enough, that this relationship has too many distracting elements for it to be a healthy spiritual direction relationship. It is time to make a change. The good news is that God has revealed many things to you in the challenges of this situation. It would be good for you to make note of them and begin to step back and evaluate them from a distance. My instinct is that the insights you gain from this exercise will provide the seeds of your future growth in Him. PS: I have a book coming out later this year that defines what a spiritual direction relationship should and should not look like. You can learn more here by going to www.NavigatingTheInteriorLife.com |
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