Sayings of Light and Love #8

Those who fall alone remain alone in their fall, and they value their soul little since they entrust it to themselves alone.

Saint John of the Cross

Sayings of Light and Love #5

Whoever wants to stand alone without the support of a master and guide (spiritual director) will be like the tree that stands alone in a field without a proprietor (caregiver and protector). No matter how much the tree bears, passers-by will pick the fruit before it ripens.

Saint John of the Cross

Note: The notes in the brackets above are translation helps for the reader. St. John wrote these sayings individually, but they often follow themes. This saying and a number of others that follow  are on the topic of spiritual direction. Essentially, St. John indicates that without a spiritual director for protection and guidance, any potential fruit that the pilgrim might bear will be plundered before it even has a chance to emerge.

How do I know if I am ready for spiritual direction?

Q: Dear Father John, though I have read many of your posts on spiritual direction, I am still struggling with taking the leap and making an appointment. I do want to grow in my relationship to Christ but how do I know if I am really ready for this and it is the right thing for me right now? It is a bit intimidating and I don’t want to waste anyone’s time…

A: Relax. The first thing you need to know is that God is already hard at work in your soul. The mere fact that you are having this struggle is proof of it. Really. Imagine how pleased our Lord is as he sees you wanting to come closer to him and wondering about whether spiritual direction is a good next step… So many of his children never think of him at all, and you are thinking about new ways to know, love, and follow him better! This is clear evidence that the Holy Spirit is guiding you. And if he has been guiding you thus far, he will continue to do so. As Cardinal Newman put it in one of his famous poems: “…So long Thy power has blessed me; sure it still will lead me on…” Be sure he will keep leading you on.

The easiest way for you to see if you are ready for this is to try it. For example, you could go on a retreat (preferably a spiritual exercises retreat), and meet with a spiritual director during the retreat. See how it goes, see what it feels like, see if it helps you. Or, you could simply ask for a one-time meeting with a spiritual director to talk about what you are doing and what more you could be doing to grow spiritually. Having an initial experience will help you discern if God is offering you this means of growth. You can do this without making a long-term commitment.

But in general, I would offer two other reflections. First, spiritual direction is not just for the elite. Every Christian can benefit from this kind of guidance, as long as they are sincere about trying to know, love, and follow Jesus more closely. You may have the impression that spiritual direction is only for spiritual marines. No. As a general principle, I would say that spiritual direction is the right thing for everyone all the time, if it is the kind of direction we are describing here on this site.

Second, you may be overestimating the role of spiritual direction. You don’t graduate from confession to spiritual direction, for example. Not at all. The sacraments, moral virtue, and prayer remain the irreplaceable staples of our spiritual diets. Spiritual direction merely helps us make better use of those means of growth that God has given us. It helps us create more space for the Holy Spirit to work in and through us. It is like a catalyst for improvement in the other, more central relationships and activities of life in a fallen world. Getting spiritual direction doesn’t involve leaving any of those things behind.

Finally, don’t listen to the voice saying that you would be wasting someone’s time. If you are willing to be sincere and docile in receiving direction, and if God provides someone willing to direct you, that person will be fulfilling their mission (as a spiritual director) by helping you fulfill your mission of drawing closer to Christ. And what could be a better use of time than that?

Yours in Christ, Father John Bartunek, LC, STL

Drawing: The artwork is from Karen Ku. If this link doesn’t work, go to www.karenku.com

How much should I reveal to my spiritual director on my first visit?

Q: Dear Catholic Spiritual Direction, how much are you supposed to reveal to your spiritual director on your first visit? Are you supposed to go back to your first sin, like a general confession? I have found a priest who is willing to be my spiritual director, and I just want to know how much and how far back should I discuss with him on my first meeting.

A: Great questions! I will address the easy one first.

What does your spiritual director want you to reveal in your first visit?

The answer to this will likely be very simple. Good directors know that the first and most important task is to make a personal connection with you. They know that trust and openness only develops in an atmosphere of personal relationship. So, the simple answer is to ask them what they would like you to come prepared to discuss.

With respect to the specifics of your question, I very much doubt that they will have any interest in sins of your distant past. Their task is to identify where you are today in your spiritual journey and to work with you to discern the path that God is calling you to today.

On to the more difficult question.

What do you want to reveal, or what should you reveal, in your first visit?

In my upcoming handbook on spiritual direction, I discuss this in detail. Before you continue on to the exercises I suggest below, it would be good if you could print this out and take it with you, along with a notebook and pen, into adoration. Spend some time in quiet before the Lord and ask for the help of the Holy Spirit to reveal to you the things that are most important on your journey to him.

Basically, so that you are well prepared, you should review the spiritual history of your life in stages or periods (preteen, teen, young adult, etc.). Note the highlights and lowlights of your relationship with God. Take care to be clear about your current drive to seek spiritual direction. What triggered this impulse? Is there  a significant life event that has you thinking more about eternal matters? For instance, often the death or severe illness of a loved one can draw us to the well of suffering and exploration of our spiritual lives.

Next, outline your present spiritual status. How is your prayer life? Are you struggling with any particular aspect of prayer? How often do you participate in the sacraments of the Church? How often do you go to confession, adoration, Mass, etc.? What is your perception of God? What motivates you in your spiritual life? Is your motivation based on fear? Is it based on duty? Is it based on love?

Finally, outline your goals for spiritual direction. What is it that you hope to gain from your work in spiritual direction?

Well, I could say a lot more (and do so in the book), but this should be a good start.

I would be grateful to hear how it goes (both the preparation and the meeting).

Be assured you are in my prayers.

Seek Him – Find Him – Follow Him,

Dan

PS: Don’t forget to review our collection of posts on the topic of spiritual direction. There is a great deal more that you would likely find helpful there.

Spiritual direction orientation – it takes time… and patience

Have you ever been in an unfamiliar area and stopped to ask a local for directions only to find that the well intended helper begins to rattle off street names, turns, and landmarks faster than you can blink? Why does this happen? It really is very simple. Our chosen helper is very familiar with the area. He or she is simply working at a pace that makes complete sense to them; though almost none to us. The challenge is that even if our helpers are extremely benevolent, we will rarely find one who will recognize the glazed over look in our eyes and slow down enough to really help us to get to our desired destination.

In spiritual direction we have the same problem for both the director and the directee – particularly when the relationship is new. My wife recently went to confession at a local parish (it is a good thing she has a sense of humor) and the direction after confession was that she “get her life in order and start praying.” At this point in her life I can attest that she was praying at least forty-five minutes a day and well into a solid position in her spiritual journey. Why then did he give such poor advice? Simply put, he was moving too fast and did not take the time to really orient himself to her situation before he provided input. Now, granted, confession is not a great time to receive spiritual direction (especially right before mass as in this case), however, confessors and directors still need to be cautious with their assumptions.

Proper orientation takes time. For the director he or she needs to move slowly and prayerfully before offering feedback. However, the same is true for the directee. It is very important that the directee not expect the director to quickly get to the point and solve all their spiritual challenges in one sitting.  Good experienced spiritual directors will never jump into giving advice without developing a relationship; without developing a solid understanding of the complex landscape of the soul they are seeking to serve.

For directors, be cautious of the dangerous rut of pat answers. Don’t miss the opportunity to really help someone to God because your many conversations are all blurring into one. If you are struggling to really connect with a person, don’t feel pressure to rush into a response. Instead, the struggle should be a signal that you too need to slow down, pray, listen, and wrestle to find clarity about the real issues at play.

Regardless of which side of the equation you find yourself on, the key is to slow down. For directees, ensure you are open and clear about the challenges you face. Don’t look for quick answers to complex questions. If you are not going to spiritual direction with Padre Pio, don’t expect a mere mortal to be able to understand and help after just twenty minutes of discussion. It may take months for you both to understand the Holy Spirit’s leading in your soul.

Seek Him – Find Him – Follow Him

Dan