Faithful priests are too busy… What do I do? How can I find a spiritual director?

Q: Dear Father Burtka, My director is a wonderful, caring person but is also quite a bit less inclined to follow the magisterium than I am. I wish I had the opportunity to see a faithful priest from time to time. I have tried hard to find a priest willing to provide me with spiritual direction (especially now, as I am going through some severe moral crises and sufferings); however, I have been turned down repeatedly because they are too busy to meet with any individuals, especially if it would be for more than one brief meeting. This appears to be a serious problem: if a priest is too busy to give spiritual and moral guidance to a faithful follower who is facing grave hardship, then that priest is TOO busy. Why do priests seem to regard spiritual direction as an unreasonable burden?

A: I would begin by saying that not all priests regard spiritual direction as a burden. Many priests that I know consider it one of their main priorities. In fact, after celebrating the sacraments and preaching the Word, it is one of the best ways that a priest has to help others. And perhaps herein we find one possible reason for your experience that priests just don’t have time: they may have many Masses to celebrate (especially on Sundays) and multiple confessions to hear, especially if we reflect on the fact that most priests help out in at least one other parish than their own on a regular basis. When you throw in the preaching that must be prepared, the time begins to add up. The biggest burden for the priest, however, is usually parish administration. Before being ordained, he probably does not realize the amount of time this will pilfer from his apostolate and, in many cases, how much worry it will cause. All of this may leave him wary about taking on more and more stable commitments. But enough about reasons or excuses; there are many more than I mention here – objective as well as subjective ones.

The fact remains that spiritual direction is a vital help and you have not been able to  find a priest director. This must be very frustrating. You are not alone in this challenge.

Aside from giving you insight into the burden most priests carry,  another way I can think to assist you is to point out a few options for finding a director that you may not have considered. Here are a few ideas from Dan Burke’s upcoming book on spiritual direction (a sneak peak, if you will):

• Your Diocesan Office: There are several types of leads you can find by calling your diocese. First, they can point you to those known for spiritual direction in your area. Second, they can also point you to religious orders or retreat centers in your area. Also, don’t hesitate to venture beyond your own diocesan boundaries if the list of options runs too short. As well, don’t hesitate to consider a well-trained and experienced lay person as an option.
• Priests/Confessors in Your Parish or Surrounding Parishes: If you have found a good confessor, someone who has been particularly helpful to you with advice or dialogue during or after confession, don’t hesitate to ask them one simple question: “I would be grateful if I could follow up with you on this matter in the near future; can I call you for an appointment?”
• Faithful Catholic Affiliation Groups: If you have groups in your diocese like Catholics United for the Faith, Familia, or other solid groups, begin attending their meetings and connecting with people who take their faith seriously. An important thing to remember is that this might be a long process and if you are called to it, you need to maintain your commitment for as long as it takes. Our God knows your needs and desires to bring you closer to himself, and he will do so as long as you keep striving and stumbling towards him. Sometimes the painstaking search for an orthodox director is just as important to the process as spiritual direction itself.

A semi-shortcut through this maze can be found in the many faithful movements and orders within the Church. Those that have maintained a solid grip on orthodox Catholicism often provide means for their members to deepen their faith in many helpful ways, including spiritual direction. Essentially, when approaching these organizations we are looking to adopt a rule of life. That is, we are looking for a specific spiritual path that can help to focus our spiritual disciplines and practice of virtue. Often these organizations follow the fruitful paths of the saints who founded them (like Saint Francis and the Franciscans) or those who played significant roles within them (like Saint John of the Cross in the Carmelite order). Obviously, becoming a third-order or lay Carmelite or Franciscan is a serious commitment. However, for those who take their faith seriously, these commitments have benefits that far outweigh any related challenges.

To be clear, it is not necessary to become a cloistered nun or a hermit to reap the benefits of these beautiful gifts to the Church. Most of them have lay organizations for people just like you. A few good examples of more recent spiritualities that have emerged in the Church are  Apostles of the Interior Life (www.apostlesofil.org), Opus Dei (www.opusdei.org), and Regnum Christi (www.regnumchristi.org). As well, secular institutes like Voluntas Dei (www.voluntasdeiusa.org) can provide a great deal of support for their members regarding spiritual and apostolic living. You can find more information on secular institutes at www.secularinstitutes.org. The constitutions or canonical provisions of these and many more are approved either by the Holy See or local bishops, and the direction they provide for the spiritual life can be of enormous spiritual value. You can contact these organizations via their Web sites to find information about activities in your area.

Spiritual direction is making a comeback in the Church, and seminary formation programs are rediscovering its tremendous value. Hopefully, little by little your difficulties will be a thing of the past. Don’t give up the fight. The challenges you are facing might be the very thing you  need right now to deepen your faith. Christ is at work in you. Yield to that work and continue to strive to know him.

Yours in Christ, Father Joseph Burtka, LC

Concern about seeking out and approaching a spiritual director? – Part I – Facing the challenge

Based on a good number of comments and poll responses over the past year, apprehension is a recurring obstacle to seeking spiritual direction. More than 500 of you have indicated that you desire, but are not yet in a spiritual direction relationship. All those who desire but do not yet have a spiritual director are in the same position – one of vulnerability. The following is an overview of common struggles and insights that you might find helpful in your quest:

• The area of our lives that is most important to us (our faith) is at a place where we obviously need help in order to grow. This can be a difficult and sensitive admission – especially for men.
• As committed Catholics, we typically hold priests in high esteem and struggle with the idea of encroaching on their already busy schedule.
• We are concerned that the relationship with the potential spiritual director remain positive and healthy (particularly if he is our parish priest).
• The process and nature of spiritual growth is an unknown. It is similar to heading into a fog – we are compelled to keep moving – but we don’t know what will come of our decision to continue forward.
• Some of us are worried about the orthodoxy of those who might be available to help us. We want competent guides and are worried that we might be led astray by those who are not faithful to the Church’s teachings and/or who are influenced by new-age or eastern spirituality.

Facing the Challenge

All of these, and many other factors make us hesitant to pursue spiritual direction. As well, St. Teresa of Avila clearly warns us that those seeking to deepen their spiritual lives will find a great many obstacles in their way. The enemy of our souls dreads nothing more than one who is fully immersed in Christ. We must be clear and resolute about our need for Christ and the critical assistance that spiritual direction provides us in knowing and following Him.

So, the first question is one of motivation. Are you ready to suffer whatever discomfort you may feel for the greater end of finding peace of soul and living life according to your ultimate purpose? If your answer to this question is, “yes,” then half the battle is already over. Be encouraged – you are unique in this world. God is calling you to Him, and you are listening. The rest is mere practicality and perspective. Here are a few basic ways to overcome these inhibiting emotions and issues:

Basic Steps in the Right Direction

1) Increase your knowledge and understanding of the spiritual direction process. Read the spiritual direction posts on this site and/or Father Dubay’s book and gain the vocabulary and perspective necessary to converse comfortably on the topic.

2) If you are concerned about the faithfulness or perspective of a particular priest, review the posts on this topic to better prepare you to deal with this difficulty.

3) Recognize that the care of souls, as with spiritual direction, is central to the call of a priest. Any good priest will be encouraged to discover and work with a soul committed to follow Christ.

4) Approach the spiritual director’s busy schedule with a practical respect.

In our next post we will talk specifically about how to approach getting the first meeting setup.

By the way, if I have missed any of the big items of concern or struggle on your list, or if there are others you would like to share, please do so in your comments on this post.

Seek Him – Find Him – Follow Him

Dan

How can I determine if a spiritual director is faithful to the church?

Q: Dear Father Joseph, I am hesitant to go to a local priest for spiritual direction because I am worried about his submission, or lack of submission to the Church. He is a good priest but he has made some confusing comments about abortion and a few political topics etc. Are there simple questions I can ask and a way to ask (that would not be offensive) to help me determine if a particular priest or lay person (a potential spiritual director) is faithful to the teachings of the Church? I don’t want to end up with spiritual mis-direction. This is all far too important to me.

A: Spiritual direction is a long standing tradition in the Church and an excellent means for growing in prayer life and in sanctity. Seeing our lives from an outside, objective source is a great way to know ourselves better so as to better ourselves more quickly and efficiently.

With that in mind, your question is a happy one because it shows the interest that you have in wanting to grow in your relationship with Christ. You are not satisfied with your present level and you are searching for a guide to help you to grow. I am sure that this desire comes from the Holy Spirit and will not go unrewarded.

The best recommendation that I can give you is one that St John of the Cross gives, and that is quoted in the Catechism of the Catholic Church in number 2690: “the person wishing to advance toward perfection should ‘take care into whose hands he entrusts himself, for as the master is, so will the disciple be, and as the father is so will be the son.’” In other words, look to put yourself into the hands of someone whom you admire for his personal sanctity and life of prayer.

In the formulation of your question, you hint at the fact that your priest may not be this person for you; you are hesitant and unsure about his doctrinal formation and preparation. This is not a good way to start a spiritual direction relationship. Perhaps the first thing you should do is get to know your priest better. Ask for an appointment to speak with him, or participate in a parish activity that allows you more contact with him. You will get to know another side of your priest that cannot be seen in a formal moment of preaching and that may dispel some of your worries (and hopefully not add to them).

When you finally do have that one on one meeting (that can be in or outside of confession), ask him about your problems and needs. Are his answers prayerful ones? Do they bring peace? Is there anything that doesn’t seem to chime with Catholic morals and doctrine? Does he recommend prayer and greater self discipline or self denial? Does he push you towards holiness? When you leave, do you feel challenged towards being more generous with Christ? I think that these are the types of questions you should have in mind regarding the holiness and preparation of that person that you have chosen as spiritual guide.

Lastly, in your question you mention that your priest has made some confusing comments regarding abortion and politics. St John of the Cross in the same aforementioned Catechism number also refers to learning, discretion and experience. Again, it would appear that you do not find these qualities in your priest. If you still think these are lacking after coming to know him better, it would be best to look for someone who corresponds more to your needs.

All Priests do not share the same gifts. Some are better at preaching than at direction of souls. Look for that priest in whom you most see the image of Jesus Christ. And pray for your priests – we all have a great need of growing in holiness so as to help our own souls and those in our care.

Yours in Christ, Father Joseph Burtka, LC

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