Can special events be celebrated during Lent?

Q: Dear Father John, I have a question… My brother’s graduation is this March during Lent and my family normally eats in a really nice restaurant for dinner after graduations. Is it okay if we aren’t able to fulfill our Lenten fast or penance on days like that? 

A: What a beautiful question! It shows that you are sincerely concerned about living Lent well. Since Lent is a season of special penance, prayer, and almsgiving (by which we prepare ourselves for the liturgy of our Lord’s Sacred Passion), you are wondering if it is possible to celebrate an important event without tarnishing the spiritual atmosphere of the season. I have three thoughts for you.

Keep Fridays Well

First, remember that we all abstain from meat on Fridays during Lent. This is a form of penance and self-denial that the entire Church engages in. We also take on personal penances and spiritual disciplines, but this is one we do as a Catholic family, united with all our brothers and sisters throughout the world, and throughout the centuries. So, if your graduation dinner were to take place on a Friday, you would actually need an official dispensation from this Lenten requirement in order to serve and eat meat.

Time for Celebration

Second, remember also that the Church has not removed all of its liturgical solemnities from the calendar during Lent. St. Joseph’s Day and the Annunciation often fall within Lent. Likewise, Sundays are still liturgical solemnities all throughout Lent (which is why Lent, which starts on Ash Wednesday and ends on Easter Eve, still has only 40 days – if you include the Sundays, it would be 46). On solemnities, the Church is able to celebrate the triumphs of our Lord without spoiling the Lenten atmosphere.

Equilibrium over Legalism

Third, if someone’s birthday or anniversary were to fall during Lent, that would be no reason to forego a celebration. I think the case you present is similar to those. The graduation is a real achievement, and ought to be celebrated. To have a special celebration in honor of the achievement is a good and just thing to do. You can celebrate wholeheartedly on that day, without giving up or compromising your Lenten disciplines of prayer and penance, and you may even be able to combine them. For instance, you could give the graduate a Lenten-esque graduation present, like a donation in his name to a Catholic orphanage or educational institution. That would show appreciation both for your brother’s achievement, and also for the spirit of self-sacrifice that Lenten almsgiving is meant to express and foster.

I hope you can see that the mind of the Church in this matter always focuses on more than simply following specific external rules. It sets aside these weeks as a time to turn up the intensity of our quest for intimacy with God, our Creator, Savior, and Lover. If we followed all the “rules” perfectly, but didn’t engage actively in that quest, we would be missing the point. Lent is a season of spiritual renewal, of spring cleaning for the soul. The specific rules and practices that the Church requires and recommends are all meant to boost us in that primary, interior, and crucial spiritual adventure.

How to Stay Strong Spiritually During Lent

Q: Dear Father John, Every year I start out Lent with great ambition and hope for spiritual growth, but somewhere along the way I lose interest and let myself slide. I really want to avoid the slide this year … any suggestions to help me stay strong?

A: Sure! The key thing to think about is why you tend to slide. If you can identify the cause, then you can easily find the solution. In general, three things tend to make our Lenten resolutions less transforming than we would like them to be.

Start Small

First, they can be unrealistic. Some of us have the tendency to bite off more than we can chew. It’s like the former jock who hasn’t worked out for two years. She decides to get back in shape. But then she sets herself an Olympic-style workout program. She does it for two days, but it’s way too demanding, so she drops it.

What she should have done is start small – a 15-minute walk and some stretching every other day for two weeks, for example – then build back up to where she would like to be. In our spiritual lives we can make the same mistake.

We forget that climbing the mountain of holiness is a journey of small steps. And after trying to take a bunch of big steps (and falling down every time), we simply give up.

Root Sin

Second, our Lenten resolutions can be off target. This is an endemic problem for us post-modern Catholics. We see the fruits of spiritual immaturity in our lives (impatience, unchastity, loose tongue, judgmentalism…), and we start hacking away at them, like cutting back the branches of a tree. But all the while, we leave the roots unbothered. When that happens, the branches just grow right back, or flourish even more!

If we really want to make progress, we have to do our part to get to the root of our selfish tendencies. Do you know what your root sin is (we all have one)? Do you know its most salient manifestations? If so, then you will be able to choose a Lenten resolution that will help you aim your efforts effectively, and this will give you momentum and strength to persevere.

If you don’t, I would recommend that you make a Lenten resolution to take up 15 minutes of spiritual reading each day, and read some solid, truly instructional books that will help you get to know yourself (like This Tremendous Lover by M. Eugene Boylan). Or, sign up for an authentic spiritual exercises retreat.

Additionally, you may want to look for someone who can be a kind of spiritual mentor for you, or spiritual director. They can help you aim better. You can also find some information about what spiritual writers call a “program of life” here. (If you have some extra time, you may want to listen to this radio broadcast, where I talk a bit about holiness and root sins.)

Season of Grace

Third, we can suffer from impurity of intention. Sometimes even faithful Catholics can fall into giving things up for Lent for the wrong reasons. We can think more in terms of self-improvement than in deepening our friendship with Christ. If we do that, even in a subtle, subconscious way, we will run out of steam pretty fast.

Lent is not the season of Catholic self-help. Lent is a season of grace, given to us by the Church to draw closer to our Lord and prepare for the celebration of his Passion and Resurrection. Any Lenten resolution needs to be geared towards helping us open our hearts to that grace and drink it in. (You can find more reflections on the season of Lent here.)

Finally, don’t be afraid to alter your Lenten resolutions if you find they are not helping you live the season deeply. By changing them, you are telling God that you really are interested in drawing closer to him during these holy days. I will be praying for you, and for all our readers here!

Yours in Christ, Father John Bartunek, LC

Used by permission – Faith and Family Live – Where everyday moms offer one another inspiration, support, and encouragement in Catholic living