How can I get out of patterns of sin!?

Q. Dear Sister Carmen, how can I deepen my relationship with God when I am stuck in patterns of sin that I can’t seem to break? I’ve asked this question to several people at different times, but I really can’t seem to figure this out or make any progress. I am really grieved over this. Thank you for your help.

A. It seems to me that your grief over patterns of sin is already the beginning of conversion and spiritual growth. Recall the story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15:18-19 when the son realizing his sinful situation says, “I will arise and go to my father and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me as one of your hired servants.’”

Your question obviously indicates that you have good desires and the fact that you are sincere in yearning to deepen your relationship with God presupposes that you have already established a relationship with Him. Our good desires, however, must include self-knowledge and humility.

Self-knowledge opens to us the reality of the mystery and ugliness of sin as well as to the mystery and beauty of grace. Teresa envisioned the human soul as a castle containing many rooms. Outside the castle there was darkness and fearsome reptiles and creatures trying to impede our way into the castle. The key to the entry of the castle is prayer and reflection.

Once inside we become aware of light emanating from the deepest center, that innermost room, where dwells the Glory of God. However, some of these fearsome creatures manage to squeeze in with us, for they are the temptations, the bad habits, the patterns of sin that accompany us and although the Light continues to stream from the center of the castle, we still experience darkness for that which accompanies us into the castle blocks the light trying to reach us.

There is much work to be done in the first room. We wage a daily battle between the person we wish to be, the person we really are and the person God created us to be. To come to self-knowledge we must be very willing to be honest and this requires humility. What am I really like? How do others see me? Do I spend my time trying to be someone I am not? Do I feel guilty being who I am? How much of the false values of the world around me have I absorbed?

The Prodigal Son was lured away from his loved ones by the false promises of happiness. It wasn’t until he had hit rock-bottom that he realized that he had sacrificed an authentic relationship with himself, with others, and with God for fleeting pleasures. Only when he ran out of money and his “friends” deserted him was he able to see the superficiality of his life.

Each of us needs to identify the vipers and poisonous creatures that block our passageway as we seek to move through the castle into the other rooms seeking the One who waits for us at the Center just as the father of the Prodigal Son, in the center of his home, looked longingly for his son’s return day after day until one day he saw him coming in the distance.

• Can I identify the blockages that hinder my movement forward?:

• What external occupations fill my mind causing me to neglect prayer and reflection?

• Am I addicted to noise (e.g. music, television, radio, etc.)?

• Am I afraid of solitude filling the emptiness within me with busy-ness?

• What patterns of sin do I need to break and what concrete measures am I taking to help myself?

• Do I make use of the sacramental graces provided by frequent confession?

• Have I considered the help of a spiritual director to assist me in breaking the pattern of sin and to aid me in practicing virtue?

What elements in my life am I willing to surrender in order to remain in and be attentive to God’s Presence?

It was only when the Prodigal Son made a firm decision to “arise” and go to his father that he began the journey that would take him to the treasure he had not recognized. As the father waited patiently for his son’s return, so also God is even more patient as we move through the rooms leaving behind us the paltry treasures we have accumulated in order to find the Pearl of Great Price at the center. Are we willing to sell all for this Treasure?

Until next time,

Sr. Carmen Laudis OCD

PS: To learn more about the Carmelite Sisters visit our web site: www.carmelitesistersocd.com and for more information please contact the sisters at contact@carmelitesistersocd.com, or 626-289-1353 Ext. 246, 920 East Alhambra Road, Alhambra, California 91801.

Sayings of Light and Love #20

God is more pleased by one work, however small, done secretly, without desire that it be known, than a thousand done with the desire that people know of them. Those who work for God with purest love not only care nothing about whether others see their works, but do not even seek that God himself know of them. Such persons would not cease to render God the same services, with the same joy and purity of love, even if God were never to know of these.

Saint John of the Cross

More ”Sayings of Light and Love”

His Grace for My Sin – A Prayer of St. Augustine

“What fault committed by man has not been expiated by the Son of God made man? What pride can be so immeasurably inflated, that it could not be brought down by such humility? Truly, O my God, if we were to weigh both the offenses committed by sinners, and the grace of God the Redeemer, we would find that the difference equaled not only the distance between east and west, but the distance between hell and the highest heaven. O wonderful Creator of light, by the terrible sorrows of Your Son, pardon my sins! Grant, O God, that His goodness may overcome my wickedness, that His meekness may atone for my perversity, that His mildness may dominate my irascibility. May His humility make amends for my pride; His patience, for my impatience; His benignity, for my harshness; His obedience, for my disobedience; His tranquility, for my anxiety, His sweetness, for my bitterness; may His charity blot out my cruelty!”

St. Augustine

How can I overcome the root sin of vanity?

Q: Dear Father Edward, would you be willing to post the virtues to overcome the root sin of vanity and pride also?

A: “Vanity of vanities, says Qoheleth, vanity of vanities! All things are vanity!” That line from the Book of Ecclesiastes rings as true today as on the day it was written. Vanity is one of the three root sins that plague humanity. Much of our economy is built on vanity, on helping people to maintain the right “image.” Think of the money spent on cosmetics and trendy clothes and flashy cars and SUVs (complete with vanity license plates).

How does vanity differ from the other two root sins of pride and sensuality? Briefly, we could describe pride as the sin whereby we put ourselves first, ahead of God; sensuality is where we put things first; and vanity is where we put the esteem of others first.

Like the other root sins, vanity springs from insecurity. We place our security in what others think of us. We constantly seek the affirmation, praise and respect of other people. We want to be seen as “cool.” Instead of focusing on Christ and letting him be the center of our concerns, we look to be patted on the back by others. “What will they think of me?” is a perennial concern of the vain person. This differs from the situation where we may desire that our qualities be recognized in order that God be glorified and that we have more influence to bring about good. Having and guarding a reputation for honesty, for instance, might help us to attract others to join us in doing charitable deeds.

Vanity can also manifest itself in shyness. We might worry so much about being accepted that we close in on ourselves and avoid contact with people. Other forms of vanity include gossiping, boasting, “stretching the truth,” and being paralyzed by human respect.

This root sin can also trigger sins against purity. In such cases, it is not the illicit physical pleasure that is sought as much as the feeling of being accepted by another. Alas, such “acceptance” often proves to be short-lived.

Commonly, vanity expresses itself in an undue concern for one’s physical appearance. Or one might become easily discouraged by one’s failures. Then too the vain person might give in to two-facedness or hypocrisy, abandoning his principles in order to “fit in.” A person might seek friendships with high-profile people, for sake of gaining attention. Such friendships can quickly lead to jealousies and bruised egos.

How can someone fight against vanity? Let’s offer a few strategies. The first deals with purity of intention. This means doing good things for the right reasons. If a person does a “good act” out of a desire for praise, the act loses its value in the eyes of God. “When you give alms, do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets to win the praise of others. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward” (Matthew 6:2). The key is to do hidden acts of charity, the kind that only God sees. This builds intimacy with God and cultivates in us a healthy indifference to the praise of the world.

Another strategy against vanity is to cultivate love for Christ in others. That is, offer up good deeds to Christ. Learn to see him in others and love him in others. This awareness of the presence of Christ in others has motivated more than a few saints to heroic and universal charity. By universal charity we mean showing charity and kindness to everyone, regardless of their personality or temperament. This is no easy task. It is easy to be nice to someone who is likable. It is much harder to be nice to someone who is irascible or uncouth or ungrateful. That is why reaching out to a difficult person goes a long way in purifying our intentions. For at that point, we are charitable for love of Christ, not for love of praise.

Finally, learn to admit your mistakes quickly. This helps your humility and nurtures simplicity of heart. The sooner we get vanity under control, the sooner we live just for Christ.

Yours in Christ, Father Edward McIlmail, LC

Father McIlmail is a theology instructor at Mater Ecclesiae College in Greenville, RI.

Frustration and Humility – Is there such thing as an “Act” of humility?

Q: Dear Father John, Your recent comments on frustration, impatience and the need for humility and how to grow in it have been insightful and practical.  Thank you so much!  However, I would like to know how you would advise going about making an “act of humility”.  I am familiar with the Litany of Humility, but I am thinking that there may be a shorter prayer that we could pray a lot, i.e., all the time!  Also, if you could include any additional pointers on the dispositions necessary to go along with such an act, I would be most appreciative.

A: This question is clearly a direct inspiration of the Holy Spirit: Where else could a desire to make “acts of humility” have come from?  I will try to share some thoughts that will help you follow this beautiful inspiration.

Traditional Catholic spirituality often uses the phrase “act of” when referring to a particular type of prayer.  You have probably heard or read about an “act of faith” or an “act of hope” or an “act of love.”  The term can be traced back to the Latin verb “agere,” which has the past participle form of “actum” (it’s always good to review our grammar!).  That verb is juicy.  “Agere” means about a dozen different things in Latin, but the core sense of the word is to put into motion, to focus energy upon.  Our word “action” is derived from this root.  So, when we make an “act of faith,” we put into action, in a conscious way, the virtue of faith. An act of faith, in this sense, is an activation of our belief, a focused assertion of our assent to what God has revealed as true.

An act of humility is the same conscious activation of the virtue of humility, a focused assertion of our absolute dependence on God for existence, salvation, and growth in all that is good and healthy, naturally and supernaturally.  Your instinct that there may be short acts of humility (ready-made formulas that can help us make this conscious assertion frequently and energetically) is right on target.  All spiritual writers agree that we should frequently lift our hearts to God, even in the midst of our busy schedules.  In fact, the Church has attached a partial indulgence to the lifting of our hearts and minds to God during our daily activities, even for a brief moment.  This is how we stay in tune with our heavenly trajectory in life.

At the end of this post, I will include some formulas for acts of humility that you may like.  But I want to emphasize that the value of these types for formulaic prayers is not in the word themselves.  They are not magical incantations.  Rather, their value is in their ability to help us focus our minds on the deep truths that God has revealed to us in Christ.  They give us words to express our deepest convictions.  And every time we express those convictions consciously, really meaning what we say, we deepen them.  And it is from deep, mature Christian convictions that virtue can grow and flourish, that we can gradually learn to live in elegant and dexterous harmony with God’s unceasing action in and through our lives.

So, by all means, make frequent acts of humility, but when you find yourself falling into the empty or routine recitation, don’t be afraid to switch formulas, or to use your daily prayer time to compose a one yourself! (Yes, we are allowed to write our own prayers – sometimes these are the very best ones, because they come from the very depths of our experience of God.)

Some short prayers that can be used as acts of humility:

• Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. (This is known as the Jesus Prayer.)
• Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world, have mercy on me! (From the Mass)
• Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word, and my soul will be healed. (From the Mass – adapted from the Centurion’s response to Jesus in Matthew 8:8.)
• Create in me a clean heart, O Lord, and renew within me a resolute spirit (Psalm 50:10).
• Sacred Heart of Jesus, I trust in you! (Prayer taught to St Margaret Mary Alocoque by Jesus)
• Jesus, I trust in you! (Prayer taught to St Faustina by Jesus)
• Lord Jesus, I want whatever you want, because you want it, the way you want it, as long as you want it (from the Universal Prayer attributed to Pope Clement XI).
• Psalm 23, Psalm 131 (you may want to memorize these short and beautiful Psalms)

Yours in Christ, Father John Bartunek, LC, ThD