Tag: Finding a Spiritual DirectorCan someone be their own spiritual director? I have not been able to find a director… what should I do in the mean time?
A: This is a deeper question than you might think. First, continue to ask God to put you in touch with someone who can be your spiritual director. (If you haven’t read the post about how to find a spiritual director, you may find it helpful.) Judging by the surveys we have done on this blog, you are not alone. You can count on my prayers for this intention. The second part of your question opens up some critical issues. Can someone be their own spiritual director? On the surface, the answer is obvious: of course not. The main point of spiritual direction is providing oneself with an objective point of view. As the old proverb puts it: no one is a good judge in their own case. When a quarterback is leading his team on the field, he can see a lot of what’s going on, but his coaches up in the box have a bird’s eye view of the whole field, and their input will usually mean the difference between victory and defeat. We all tend to favor our strong suits and ignore our weaknesses. This is true for musicians, athletes, actors… It’s a human thing. That’s why in all areas of expertise and growth, a good coach, instructor, or teacher is so necessary. They shed light on our blind-spots and encourage us to pay attention not only to what we want to work on, but to what we really need to work on. This objective point of view is all the more valuable because of the director’s larger share of wisdom and experience. In the 1981 Academy Award winning film, Chariots of Fire, based on a true story, the Olympic runner Harold Abrahams realizes that if he wants to win a medal, he can’t depend solely on his extraordinary natural talent and exemplary dedication. He has to find a coach. He does, and it pays off. But there is another side to this issue. Even if we have a good spiritual director, that is no guarantee of spiritual growth. A medical doctor can prescribe a certain medicine to cure an ailment, but the patient then needs to take that medicine. A spiritual director can point out a path to greater spiritual maturity, but it’s up to each one of us to generously, perseveringly, and enthusiastically pursue that path. Spiritual direction is one of the tools the Holy Spirit uses to shape us into the saints he created us to be, but it’s only one of the tools, and its effectiveness depends primarily on our own sincerity, docility, and determination to seek an ever greater friendship with Christ. So, if you are having trouble finding a spiritual director, you don’t need to worry about it. If you are making a reasonable effort to look for one, God will honor that, even if the search is a long one (God has his reasons). In the meantime, the Lord isn’t just twiddling his thumbs and checking his watch. Not at all! He is still the Lord, and he can direct you and guide you closer to his heart, if that’s what you really want. He offers us so many other means of spiritual growth – some might say too many! Here are a few questions you can ask yourself as you continue to pray for and seek a spiritual director:
All of these activities will build your friendship with Christ, and the Holy Spirit will speak to you and guide you as you pursue them, whether or not you have been able to find a good spiritual director or confessor. So, in short, don’t give in to those feelings of frustration. They are a sign that you are eager to seek Christ, an eagerness that can come only from God. But they also may be a sign that you are a bit impatient, wanting God to go at your preferred pace, instead of patiently and trustingly following along at his (much wiser, even if more uncomfortable) pace. Yours in Christ, Father John Bartunek, LC PS from Dan: You can also find great tips for finding a spiritual director in our Spiritual Direction Index and in Father Thomas Dubay’s excellent book, “Seeking Spiritual Direction.” How can I determine if a spiritual director is faithful to the church?
A: Spiritual direction is a long standing tradition in the Church and an excellent means for growing in prayer life and in sanctity. Seeing our lives from an outside, objective source is a great way to know ourselves better so as to better ourselves more quickly and efficiently. With that in mind, your question is a happy one because it shows the interest that you have in wanting to grow in your relationship with Christ. You are not satisfied with your present level and you are searching for a guide to help you to grow. I am sure that this desire comes from the Holy Spirit and will not go unrewarded. The best recommendation that I can give you is one that St John of the Cross gives, and that is quoted in the Catechism of the Catholic Church in number 2690: “the person wishing to advance toward perfection should ‘take care into whose hands he entrusts himself, for as the master is, so will the disciple be, and as the father is so will be the son.’” In other words, look to put yourself into the hands of someone whom you admire for his personal sanctity and life of prayer. In the formulation of your question, you hint at the fact that your priest may not be this person for you; you are hesitant and unsure about his doctrinal formation and preparation. This is not a good way to start a spiritual direction relationship. Perhaps the first thing you should do is get to know your priest better. Ask for an appointment to speak with him, or participate in a parish activity that allows you more contact with him. You will get to know another side of your priest that cannot be seen in a formal moment of preaching and that may dispel some of your worries (and hopefully not add to them). When you finally do have that one on one meeting (that can be in or outside of confession), ask him about your problems and needs. Are his answers prayerful ones? Do they bring peace? Is there anything that doesn’t seem to chime with Catholic morals and doctrine? Does he recommend prayer and greater self discipline or self denial? Does he push you towards holiness? When you leave, do you feel challenged towards being more generous with Christ? I think that these are the types of questions you should have in mind regarding the holiness and preparation of that person that you have chosen as spiritual guide. Lastly, in your question you mention that your priest has made some confusing comments regarding abortion and politics. St John of the Cross in the same aforementioned Catechism number also refers to learning, discretion and experience. Again, it would appear that you do not find these qualities in your priest. If you still think these are lacking after coming to know him better, it would be best to look for someone who corresponds more to your needs. All Priests do not share the same gifts. Some are better at preaching than at direction of souls. Look for that priest in whom you most see the image of Jesus Christ. And pray for your priests – we all have a great need of growing in holiness so as to help our own souls and those in our care. Yours in Christ, Father Joseph Burtka, LC How do I find and select a spiritual director?
A. Finding a spiritual director usually follows four steps: First, you need to remember what spiritual direction is all about. The role of a spiritual director is not to tell you what to do, the way a boss or a military drill sergeant does. Rather, a spiritual director helps you discover and accept what God is doing in your life and what God is asking you to do. Spiritual direction is an ongoing conversation between you, the director, and the Holy Spirit about how you can know, love, and follow Christ more fully. Second, you need to understand the necessary qualities of a good spiritual director. Objectively, the person needs to be prudent, practical, knowledgeable (about the faith and the spiritual life), and balanced. This is the kind of person who is an excellent listener, and who is not afraid to be honest and demanding with you, and to make sure you are being honest with yourself. The person doesn’t need to be a genius. They should tend to be optimistic without being a polyanna. They should in some way show enthusiasm for the things of God. They need to be someone energetically engaged in their own pursuit of holiness, so that they speak not only from theory, but also from experience. Subjectively, it needs to be someone you can trust – either someone you already trust, or someone who easily and naturally wins your trust during the first few times you meet. Third, pray. Remember that your Father in heaven “already knows what you need before you ask him.” Your heartfelt desire to go deeper in your spiritual life is already a gift from God. He will guide you towards someone who can help satisfy it. Fourth, start looking. Usually it is a good idea to start by looking for a priest. The most common way is to come across someone by reference: the recommendation of someone you know, the substantial and helpful preaching that you have consistently heard from him, his written material that has helped you considerably, the priest who spends a lot of time hearing confessions and has shown a pastor’s heart to you in the confessional… By now you are probably already thinking of someone you could ask (it may be your pastor, or a priest friend, or someone you have heard about). If not, try asking around or looking around for a respected retreat director in your area, or an esteemed chaplain at a school. Sometimes retired priests are good candidates. If someone who is not a priest comes immediately to mind as you think about who to ask (an older lay person, a religious, a professor you once had…), that is fine. John Paul II’s first spiritual director (when he was a college student) was a layman. Generally, a priest will have more spiritual experience himself and a more in-depth theological training, but that is not always the case. If you find a lay person of the same gender as yourself who fits the above description and is willing to mentor you spiritually, great. Once you find someone (it may take some time), ask them if they would be willing to be your spiritual director, or at least to help guide you in your pursuit of holiness. But remember, even when you have found a spiritual director, you are still the person in charge of your life-project. Sometimes we expect (or want) the spiritual director to do everything for us – all the thinking and all the deciding. Not so. The director is like a consultant. Unless you are taking the initiative, being open and sincere, and responding to the director’s guidance and suggestions with healthy docility, you will end up finding yourself hopping around from director to director in a vain effort to grasp holiness without stepping outside your comfort zone. Yours in Christ, Father John Bartunek, LC Finding a spiritual director – watch out for confused sheep…
Unfortunately, there are many in the Church in positions of authority, in religious orders, who would disagree with this kind of thinking. No, they wouldn’t disagree with the way that I just stated it, but they do see the world in terms that will, spiritually speaking, confuse things as diverse as a Cathedral and a place of rotting spiritual refuse. A great example of this sad confusion surfaced in a conversation I had today with someone who was taking classes with a religious order to become a “spiritual director.” In one of her recent classes the nuns brought in a Buddhist, a Natural Spiritist, and a number of other non-Christian representatives to share their spiritual insights. The goal was to understand that, as she said, “we are all Children of God” and that “we can learn a great deal from the spiritual lives of those who come out of these other religions.” I was a bit dumbfounded even though I am accustomed to this particular convent spreading dissent and confusion. What struck me was how readily this “spiritual direction” trainee had accepted what they presented to her. A number of scripture verses began to swirl in the back of my head as I cordially smiled and listened… “I am the way, the truth, the life, no one comes to the Father but through me.” (John 14:6) “All who came before me are thieves and bandits but the sheep did not listen to them.” (John 10:8) By the way, Jesus is talking here about one of the groups that presented their “spirituality” via the nuns. Another verse came to mind, “My sheep hear my voice, I know them, they follow me.” (John 10:27) I wondered if she had ever read or pondered any of these passages. With deep incredulity, I wondered why someone would look outside of the endless depth and riches of their own faith, the One true Faith, the pinnacle of all that is good and true, into the spiritual wastelands of those who reject Christ both directly and indirectly. Even looking at the good of what is available in some of these religions, it is something like being diverted away from the most lavish banquet ever served in the history of time to a garbage can in the back of a greasy dive. Yes, something in there will be semi-edible, but why would anyone who had a seat reserved for them at this great feast ever choose to eat this way? This scenario points out the tip of the iceberg regarding a few serious issues facing those seeking sound spiritual direction. Here are a few ways to avoid taking direction from a lost sheep who claims to be a spiritual director: 1) Don’t settle for the garbage bin when you have a seat reserved for you at the feast of the King of Kings! The great spiritual Doctors of the Catholic Church provide unfathomable wisdom and depth that cannot be plumbed in any one lifetime by any one person. If you are seeking spiritual direction, ask your would-be director where they get their inspiration and training. If it is outside of the person of Christ and the tradition of His Church and the Doctors of the Church, you are about to be led into a spiritual garbage dump. 2) Don’t settle for the first answer to your question and don’t be ashamed to dig a little. After all, you are seeking truth and guidance into a deeper relationship with Christ. There is no greater aspiration in this life, nothing more worthy of careful consideration. A great second question to determine if a director can lead you to the true banquet of Christ is to ask them their position on Pope Paul VI’s encyclical, Humane Vitae. If you get anything but unequivocal and strong support for this controversial but clear teaching of the church - you are headed for a spiritual garbage can. 3) Finally, don’t settle for pseudo-spirituality in the form of New Age Catholicism. Ask them about “centering prayer.” If they enthusiastically smile and point to a method whereby you can quickly achieve contemplative union (a sacred word, a specific posture and breathing technique, etc.), you are headed for a very confusing journey into a rotting carcass of spiritual darkness. Unfortunately, finding a sound spiritual director instead of a confused sheep can be difficult. Don’t give up, don’t stop praying, and don’t settle for anything but a place at the table where you belong, with the King of Kings. Seek Him – Find Him – Follow Him Dan What is the difference between confession and spiritual direction?
A: Confession and spiritual direction are like partially overlapping circles: they share some common characteristics, but their centers, their essences, are distinct. The Distinction of Confession The essence of confession is the sacramental grace that Christ gives to our soul through the ministry of his priest. When we open our hearts to him through sincere repentance and honest confession of our sins within the sacrament of reconciliation, we receive an infusion of grace that forgives our sins, strengthens our spiritual weakness (especially regarding the behaviors that we confessed), and increases the bond of our supernatural friendship with Christ. It also exercises and therefore increases the supernatural virtues of faith, hope, and charity. In confession, God acts on our soul the way a surgeon acts on a patient: directly, profoundly, in ways that we could never reproduce by merely natural efforts. This is why we don’t have to worry even if the priest who hears our confession is taciturn, deaf, grumpy, in mortal sin, or even (God forbid) harsh. The priest is God’s instrument of grace within this sacrament, not the source of that grace. The Distinction of Spiritual Direction The essence of spiritual direction is solid advice. The spiritual director helps us see more clearly what God is asking of us and how he is acting in our lives. The director also helps us see objectively the quality of our response to God: are we being docile and humble, or are we just tricking ourselves into doing what we feel like? The spiritual director is like the physical therapist that helps us identify the exercises we need to be doing in order to grow spiritually, and then helps us adjust our spiritual program of work in order to keep it effective and on track. This is invaluable advice, but it is noticeably different than that surgeon who actually reconstructs a torn ligament or rebuilds a broken lung. This is one of the reasons why nothing inhibits lay people from becoming excellent spiritual directors. Ordination is not required, just solid training in spiritual theology, ample personal experience in the spiritual life, and the Holy Spirit’s gifts of knowledge (discernment) and counsel. But God has reserved the sacrament of confession to his ordained priests, in order to guarantee that he acts directly therein. The Overlap Nevertheless, although the essences differ, the secondary characteristics of confession and spiritual direction can often overlap. A good confessor gives more than absolution; he also utilizes the sacred moment in which this person is opening their heart to God to remind them of God’s goodness, love, and wisdom. If he detects some confusion or frustration, he can also give sound advice, just as a spiritual director would do. If the penitent has questions or doubts, the confessor answers and resolves them. The atmosphere of faith in which the sacrament takes place is incomparably propitious for the action of the Holy Spirit and the penitent’s docility to that action. In past centuries, in fact, lay people usually received spiritual direction within the sacrament. They would go to the same priest regularly for confession, and this “confessor” became their spiritual father, their spiritual director. In more recent times, however, the practice of having separate spiritual direction, which used to be reserved for consecrated religious, has spread to the laity as well. This is linked to the Church’s growing emphasis on the lay vocation as a vocation to holiness, just as much as a religious vocation is a call to holiness. Only the states of life differ. Some priests who are excellent confessors even prefer to give spiritual direction within the sacrament of confession. Combining the two makes for a longer stay in the confessional, but it can be fruitful. If you are having trouble finding a spiritual director, you may want to ask around to find out which priests in your area have a reputation for being wise confessors. You can then go to confession with them, and in addition to confessing your sins, you can also mention in the sacrament that you are trying to follow a program of spiritual growth. Then include as part of your confession the areas of spiritual work in which you have had difficulty in recent weeks. These difficulties may be imperfections (unconscious faults) more than sins, but by confessing them you express the delicacy of your love for Christ, and you give the confessor a greater understanding of the state of your soul. Then he will have a chance to give you solid advice and guidance before giving you absolution. You can use that advice to adjust your program of spiritual work for the coming weeks. In this way, your confessor can double as your spiritual director. The disadvantage of this arrangement, however, is the lack of time to converse. Often what is most helpful in spiritual direction is the focused conversation about spiritual things. Necessarily, the parameters of the sacrament curtail this kind of discussion. Of course, the contrary situation also arises. Oftentimes, if one’s spiritual director is also a priest, it is quite natural to finish spiritual direction with the sacrament of confession. In this case, the priest will take less time to offer advice and encouragement, which has already been given in spiritual direction. The disadvantage of this arrangement (which is certainly not a requirement), is the tendency to dilute one’s awareness of God’s action through the sacrament, a penchant for considering, the sacrament merely as the frosting on the cake of spiritual direction, at least on a subconscious level. Keep in mind the essential difference between confession and spiritual direction. If you do that, then the overlap of secondary characteristics, which can take as many different forms as there are people, will always enhance and never confuse your experience of both. Yours in Christ, Father John Bartunek, LC |
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Q: Father John, what is the best way to find a Spiritual Director? Should it be your pastor? A friend? Or someone whom you do not know when you begin?
Foundational to any sound spiritual direction is the idea that there actually is a tangible direction to discover. That is, the practice presumes that spiritual truth is an expression of objective reality – just as objective and real as a map of your own hometown. For instance, if you asked someone to give you directions to the Cathedral and you ended up at the town dump, you would clearly know that something was amiss. The Cathedral and the dump can’t be the same thing at the same time. Those of you who have a rational basis for your thinking are shaking your head right now saying, ”Of course – who in their right mind would disagree with this?”
Q: Father John, what is the difference between confession and spiritual direction?
