I am stuck in my spiritual growth… how do I get unstuck? This is frustrating! Part II of II

Q: Dear Sister Carmen, I feel like I am stuck in mansion somewhere in mansion one or two. Is this normal? Where do most people get stuck in the journey through the mansions and is there any common way you can suggest that we get unstuck? Maybe I am just impatient. I feel like I should be growing but I am not.

In our first post in this two part series we talked about a few of the reasons we get stuck and touched on the key issues we often face in the first three mansions. In this post, we will provide a little summary of the first three mansions through a brief examination of conscience may help to determine just where you “feel stuck”. Perhaps the following will be of some help.

Since one enters the Castle through the gate of prayer the person entering the first mansion already feels drawn to prayer. Teresa does not talk much about prayer in the first three mansions but she does talk about what may help or hinder prayer.

First Mansion

• How generous are you in the development of your prayer life?

• Are you growing in the poverty of self-knowledge which in turn helps you to know God better?

• What for you are occasions of sin and what determined means do you take to avoid them?

• How frequently do you avail yourself of the sacrament of confession?

Second Mansion

• How are you strengthening the practice of virtue?

• Is your prayer becoming more simplified?

• Are you growing in a healthy concept of perfection?

• Do you quiet your own voice in order to discern the gentle voice of God?

• Do you seek guidance in learning to conform your will to God’s?

Third Mansion

In the third mansion we see that true conformity with God’s Will is reached only when our “false gods” (centers of our lives) die and integration takes place not only in relation among these centers, but new life emerges as a result. “Unless the seed falls into the ground and dies…”

• Are you desirous not to offend God even by venial sin?

• Do you eagerly perform penance?

• Do you spend quality time in prayer?

• Do you use your time well?

• Is your life orderly?

• Do you practice works of charity?

Teresa speaks of seven mansions or main rooms. But there are rooms within each mansion. Our movement within these “rooms” is fluid not static. Although we may spend more time in one room than in another we tend to move in and out and may have brief glimpses of rooms to come, if the Lord chooses.

This whole process is about change or transformation. Change can take place only through our generosity and willingness to surrender. In the example of our butterfly above there are four main life cycles: 1) the egg or beginning stage; 2) the caterpillar or growth stage; 3) the chrysalis or transformation stage; and 4) the adult or perfected stage. We might compare the growth stage here of the caterpillar to the first three mansions. Without this growth the transformation might never take place and thus perfection would be stunted.

This is all a preparation for what lies beyond the first three mansions which is God’s to give not ours to produce.

PS: To learn more about the Carmelite Sisters visit our web site: www.carmelitesistersocd.com and for more information please contact the sisters at contact@carmelitesistersocd.com, or 626-289-1353 Ext. 246, 920 East Alhambra Road, Alhambra, California 91801.

Marital Conscience Exam – Marriage Spirituality Part 3 of 4

So, if you are back for more I think it is safe to assume that we agree that we are our spouses “keeper.” The challenge now, is where to start. The best place, once we understand that we have fallen short, is always the sacrament of reconciliation. We must have the grace of God provided in this sacrament to change the spiritual course of our marriage. But before you go to reconciliation, spend some time in prayer and, if possible, explore this challenge with your spiritual director. Ask Mary and Joseph (the models of the perfect family) to pray for you, to help you see your shortcomings, pray for God’s light as you ask yourself a few tough examen questions we have provided for your reflection:

• Have I neglected the spiritual care of my spouse?
• Have I allowed the busy-ness of life to crowd out my primary responsibility of caring for the spiritual needs of my spouse?
• Have I put my own needs and desires ahead of the spiritual needs of my spouse?
• Have I done anything that distracts my spouse from his/her spiritual development pursuits?
• Have I failed to nurture the spiritual interests of my spouse?
• Have I allowed my own fears or feelings of inadequacy to hinder spiritual activities with my spouse (e.g. praying together)?
• Have I been impatient at the lack of spiritual growth in my spouse and allowed despair to rise, or my hope in Christ to wane?
• Have I stopped praying and making sacrifices for my spouse that they might come to know Christ or to know Christ more fully?
• Have I stopped working on my own spiritual progress in holiness toward my spouse because of offenses that I nurture?
• Have I failed to forgive my spouse as Christ has forgiven me?

The good news is that God will give you the grace and strength necessary to honor your marriage and either deepen your relationship as it stands, or to embark on a new spiritual journey together. If you have taken these posts seriously, you are well on your way to changing the spiritual course of your marriage. The next step is to explore how to make basic commitments and follow through on them. Be assured that God’s grace will be with you as you fight to bring Christ more fully into the center of your relationship.

In Christ, Dan and Stephanie

Series Links

• Part 1 of 4 – Helping Your Spouse to Heaven

• Part 2 of 4 – Daughter of the King

Encounter With Mercy

Announcing: Encounter With Mercy – A Step-by-Step Guide to the Sacrament of Reconciliation

I am happy to announce the first official publication of Catholic Spiritual Direction!

The forward is written by Cardinal Justin Rigali. This step-by-step guide is compact (back pocket or purse size), simple to read, and perfect for rediscovering or deepening our understanding and practice of one of the greatest gifts we have as Catholics. Read inspiring stories, learn the reasons confession is important, understand the Bible’s answers to common objections, and find out how you can promote confession to those around you. Buy one for yourself and several to give away!

To purchase, click HERE and please tell your friends about this important guide!

Here’s A Summary of this Fantastic Resource:

• Forward by Cardinal Justin Rigali
• Introduction: The Crisis of Love
• Seeker’s Stories
• 10 Reasons to Go to Confession
• 10 Things You Can Expect From Confession
• 7 Things Expected From You in Confession
• 7 Objections and the Bible’s Answers
• Catholicism 101
• 7 Ways to Examin Your Conscience
• 6-Step How-to-Guide to Confession
• 7 Ways to Promote Confession
• Resources

Ignatian Examination of Conscience on Faith, Hope, and Love

If there is one part of the spiritual life that St. Ignatius stressed, it was the daily–and even twice daily–examination of conscience.

As we read the Spiritual Exercises, we may be overwhelmed by the minute detail of St. Ignatius’ treatment of what he calls the particular examination of conscience. At the same time, he is careful to provide, “Some Notes on Scruples.”

It is very important, therefore, that we form a clear and correct conscience. This means that we cultivate a sensitive judgment which is alert to the least offense against the Divine will and, at the same time, protect ourselves against the wiles of the evil spirit.

“The enemy,” says St. Ignatius,” considers carefully whether one has a lax or a delicate conscience. If one has a delicate conscience, the evil one seeks to make it excessively sensitive in order to disturb and upset it more easily. Thus, if he sees that one will not consent to mortal sin or venial sin, or even to the appearance of deliberate sin, since he cannot cause him to fall in a matter that appears sinful, he strives to make the soul judge that there is a sin, for example in a word or passing thought, where there is no sin” (Spiritual Exercises, 349).

It is valuable to reflect on this tactic of the evil spirit before we offer some practical norms for making our daily examination of conscience. Why? Because otherwise, we are liable to overlook the importance of a daily inventory of our moral conduct for fear of becoming scrupulous.

There is such a thing as growing in prudent sensitivity of conscience, without becoming a victim of the “enemy” as St. Ignatius calls him.

We may set this down as a general principle, for those who are sincerely striving to do the will of God:

It is characteristic of God and His angels, when they act upon the soul, to give true happiness and spiritual joy and to banish all the sadness and disturbances which are caused by the enemy.

It is characteristic of the evil one to fight against such happiness and consolation by proposing fallacious reasonings, subtleties, and continual deceptions (Rules for Discernment of Spirits, II, 1).

What are we to conclude from this? That the more zealous we are in trying to please God, the more He will give us a deep interior peace of soul. We should suspect as a temptation from the evil one, when we find ourselves worried or anxious or disturbed, no matter how pious the source of the worry or anxiety may be.

The key to applying this principle is that, before God, I honestly want to do His will even though through weakness, I may fail to live up to my resolutions.

One basic virtue on which we should daily examine ourselves is peace of soul. We should ask ourselves, “Have I given in to worry or anxiety?” “Have I allowed myself to get discouraged?” A good practice is to pronounce the name, “Jesus,” when we find ourselves getting despondent, or say some short aspiration like, “My Jesus, I trust in you,” whenever we become dejected over something.

PARTICULAR EXAMEN ON THE THEOLOGICAL VIRTUES

Before applying the particular examen to my own spiritual life, it is well to first ask myself, “What are the virtues that I know from experience I most need to develop?”

The reason why this question should first be answered is that no two of us are equally prone to commit the same kind of sins. Nor are we personally always tempted in the same direction. There is wisdom in first knowing enough about myself, to be able to get to the root of my own moral weakness. Otherwise, I may be ignoring what really needs attention in my spiritual life and concentrating on what is not so necessary for me at this time in my service of God.

Moreover, it would be a mistake to suppose that by attending to my moral failings, I am being “negative” in my pursuit of holiness.

On the contrary. In God’s providence, He allows us to fail in those areas in which He especially wants us to grow in virtue.

We can fail in the practice of these virtues either by commission, omission, or by tepidity, in not acting as generously as we might in responding to the grace we have received from God.

FAITH

1. Do I make an honest effort to grow in the virtue of faith by daily mental prayer on the mysteries of the faith as revealed in the life of Jesus Christ?
2. Do I make at least a short act of faith every day?
3. Do I pray daily for an increase of faith?
4. Do I ever tempt God by relying on my own strength to cope with the trials in my life?
5. Do I unnecessarily read or listen to those who oppose or belittle what I know are truths of my Catholic faith?
6. What have I done today to externally profess my faith?
7. Have I allowed human respect to keep me from giving expression to my faith?
8. Do I make a serious effort to resolve difficulties that may arise about my faith?
9. Do I ever defend my faith, prudently and charitably, when someone says something contrary to what I know is to be believed?
10. Have I helped someone overcome a difficulty against the faith?

HOPE

1. Do I immediately say a short prayer when I find myself getting discouraged?
2. Do I daily say a short act of hope?
3. Do I dwell on my worries instead of dismissing them from my mind?
4. Do I fail in the virtue of hope by my attachment to the things of this world?
5. Do I try to see God’s providence in everything that “happens” in my life?
6. Do I try to see everything from the viewpoint of eternity?
7. Am I confident that, with God’s grace, I will be saved?
8. Do I allow myself to worry about my past life and thus weaken my hope in God’s mercy?
9. Do I try to combine every fully deliberate action with at least a momentary prayer for divine help?
10. How often today have I complained, even internally?

CHARITY

1. Have I told God today that I love Him?
2. Do I tell Jesus that I love Him with my whole heart?
3. Do I take the occasion to tell God that I love Him whenever I experience something I naturally dislike?
4. Have I capitalized on the difficulties today to tell God that I love Him just because He sent me the trial or misunderstanding?
5. Do I see God’s love for me in allowing me to prove my love for Him in the crosses He sent me today?
6. Have I seen God’s grace to prove my love for Him in every person whom I met today?
7. Have I failed in charity by speaking unkindly about others?
8. Have I dwelt on what I considered someone’s unkindness toward me today?
9. Is there someone that I consciously avoid because I dislike the person?
10. Did I try to carry on a conversation today with someone who is difficult to talk to?
11. Have I been stubborn in asserting my own will?
12. How thoughtful have I been today in doing some small favor for someone?
13. Have I allowed my mood to prevent me from being thoughtful of others today?
14. Am I given to dwelling on other people’s weaknesses or faults?
15. Have I been cheerful today in my dealings with others?
16. Do I control my uncharitable thoughts as soon as they arise in my mind?
17. Did I pray for others today?
18. Have I written any letters today?
19. Have I controlled my emotions when someone irritated me?
20. Have I performed any sacrifice today for someone?

by Fr. John Hardon, S.J.

How and why should I practice a daily examination of conscience? Part II of II

Q: Dear Father John, My spiritual director is recommending that I practice a daily “examination of conscience.” I thought this was just for religious, etc. Can you help me understand more about this, how it should be done, and why?

A: In our first post we covered the “why” and an introduction to the “how” of a daily examination of conscience. This post will help you with the practical steps you need to achieve the benefits of the blessings available in this practice.

The Beginning

To begin, make the sign of the cross and remind yourself that you are in the presence of God, your Father, who loves you with a personal, determined, and everlasting love. Then ask the Holy Spirit to enlighten you, so that you can know yourself better so as to be able to give yourself better to God. You can do this in your own words, or use a prayer like this one:

O Holy Spirit come in Thy mercy;

enlighten my mind and strengthen my will

that I may know my sins,

humbly confess them,

and sincerely amend my life.

The Middle

The middle of the examination of conscience consists in serenely, prayerfully looking over your day. It’s like taking a helicopter flight back over the ground you covered on foot. You want to keep an eye out for two things especially: moments of victory and moments of failure.

Victories are moments when God’s grace triumphed in your behavior (you didn’t lose your patience in a situation where you usually do, for example), or when his grace embraced and enfolded you in a special way (he gave you an intimate awareness of his goodness while you did your morning meditation, for example). When you find these victories, smile at them, enjoy them, and thank God for them.

Failures are the contrary: moments when you cut yourself off from God’s grace, willfully or simply through weakness and distraction; moments when you did not image God’s goodness in your thoughts, words, and behavior; moments when you sinned by commission or omission. As you spot these failures, you should allow yourself to “mourn” them (“blessed are those who mourn, they shall be comforted” Mt 5:4), but never give quarter to discouragement. Instead, always turn discouragement into humility. Don’t think: “I am such a selfish wreck; I am not making any progress.” Instead, pray: “You see, Lord, how weak I am, and how much I need your grace!”

As you look for victories and failures, it helps to keep a special eye out for the points that are included in your program of life. In this way, you will become more familiar with the manifestations of your root sin, and this will enable you (gradually) to respond more quickly and virtuously to difficult situations and temptations.

At the same time, however, you have to allow yourself to dig beneath the surface. When you spot a victory or a failure, ask yourself, “Why?” Why did you lose your patience again, when you really didn’t want to? Why did your meditation this morning go so much better than usual?… As we reflect on the causes of our behavior, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, our self-knowledge increases significantly.

The End

You always want to conclude the examination of conscience with two things:

1. A renewal of your commitment to try and follow Christ faithfully tomorrow. This can be a general renewal, or you can formulate some kind of a specific resolution, e.g. “Lord, tomorrow, with your help, I don’t want to gossip during our lunch party, so please help me to change the subject when it starts, or at least give me the strength to walk away.”

2. An act of contrition telling God you are sorry for your sins. This doesn’t have to be a formal act of contrition (you can use your own words), but sometimes it helps to use a simple formula. For example, you can use the act of contrition utilized at the end of confession, or the “I confess to almighty God…” prayer we utilize at the beginning of Mass.

This may seem like an incredibly complicated way to spend five minutes. But in reality it isn’t. You will find your own rhythm, and the Holy Spirit will help you. The important thing is to make this examination of conscience a staple of your daily diet. If you find it hard at first because your mind is racing, you may want to try doing it in writing: a) write down two specific things you are thanking for from the day; b) write down one thing about your behavior from the day that you would change if you could go back in time; c) write down a petition for the grace to follow Christ faithfully tomorrow.