What if I just don’t like to pray at all?

Q: Dear Father Joseph, maybe this isn’t the place (or blog) to post such a question, but what would you say to someone who doesn’t really *like* praying? I’m not saying it should be enjoyable or entertaining, etc., but I never feel any desire to pray, and when I do pray it’s just plain awkward, unpleasant, and motivated only out of some sense of obligation. I guess it would be a legit obligation … but I just feel like I’m talking to myself. I’ve never had any sort of spiritual experience while praying, or otherwise. Plus, everything I’ve read seems to say that petionary forms of prayer are all but off-limits; you shouldn’t ask for anything. So I’m at a loss.

I’m intrigued (and admittedly pleasantly surprised) at your #2 suggestion … in that I would have thought that anyone reading this blog would already be praying daily, and probably for way more than five minutes. I guess I overassumed..?

Anyway, I enjoy the interesting posts on this blog. I’m sorry if my question(s) were at all offensive … I’m not Catholic. I’m just a heathen who’s sort of entertaining the idea of converting… thus reading Catholic blogs like this one.

A: When I first read your question, I think of many people I know who don’t particularly “like” praying at different moments of the day or during different periods of their life; they are busy and their minds are somewhere else, or they have practical worries, or they are just tired and don’t feel like it.

Your question goes a bit deeper, however, because it speaks about not liking to pray “at all.”

Within the limits of email correspondence and not having the possibility of a face-to-face meeting with ulterior questions, my best attempt at an answer for your quandary (which, by the way, is not uncommon) would be the need to delve into a deeper knowledge of God.

The age-old adage, “You can’t love what you don’t know,” is at the heart of the problem. If God is very foreign to me, or if I know very little about him, or if – practically speaking – he just has no influence in my life, then prayer is going to be difficult and it is going to seem like “talking to myself.”

I recommend getting to know God more, and especially the person of Jesus Christ. Just getting to know him – the revelation of the Father – will most certainly turn your heart towards loving him… and then I believe prayer should start to become a sharing and not a monologue.

I don’t think it is necessary to start with deep theology – just grab a book on the life of Christ and see who he is, how he dealt with others, the love he had for all men and women.

The Gospel is awesome. It is THE book with which to start. But there are also others that narrate the life of Christ in a simple yet comprehensive way and serve to enrich our understanding. I recommend To Know Christ Jesus by Frank Sheed, but there are many, many others.

The way your question is written, it seems to me that Our Lord is actually reaching out to you. You are not Catholic. You are thinking about spiritual things. You are desiring to learn more about prayer. These things don’t happen in a vacuum. So I think you are in a very favorable situation and that God will definitely bless all of your good desires.

One word about the prayer of petition. Not only is it a valid form of prayer, but the Lord himself exhorts us in many places of the Gospel to ask… and to ask many times without giving up. “Ask and you shall receive” is just an example. My favorite, though, is the Lord’s Prayer, the Our Father. It is full of petitions – some for God himself (may his name be hallowed, may his kingdom come, may his will be done), some for us (give us our daily bread, forgive us our trespasses, lead us not into temptation, deliver us from evil). God is the good Father par excellence, and he likes to hear his children ask. You will only experience his joy if you ask him for your needs.

In Christ, Father Joseph Burtka, LC

The Better Part – A Christ-Centered Resource for Personal Prayer

The Better Part: A Christ-Centered Resource for Personal Prayer
by Father John Bartunek, LC

No one who is learning or desires to learn to pray more deeply and meditate more effectively on the person and work of Christ should go without this book. It offers a basic but at the same time sufficiently comprehensive overview of how to meditate in the Christian tradition (no New Age or Hindu/Buddhist influences here.)

Beyond the solid instruction on meditation method, Father John provides us with meditations through the four Gospels and group study questions at the end of each of the 303 meditation units.

Table of Contents (Partial):

Gods Idea of Prayer

• Christian Prayer – Eminently Christ-Centered
• Christian Prayer – Intensely Personal

Types of Prayer

• Vocal Prayer
• Meditative Prayer
• Contemplative Prayer
• Meditation vs. Spiritual Reading

Four Step Structure of Meditation

1. Concentrate
2. Consider
3. Converse
4. Commit

Difficulties in Prayer

• Sloth and Distractions
• Solving the Difficulties
• How Do I Know I’m Praying Well?

If you want to deepen your relationship with Christ by learning to meditate on Christ and his teaching through timeless and authentic Catholicism, this is the best way I know to start.

Seek Him – Find Him – Follow Him

Dan

Problems with my mind… any ideas?

To love God is everything to me – to serve him – more than everything. He is worthy of all that I have, all that I am. However, I have a problem. I have a very active mind. From the moment I rise to the moment I sleep my mind is racing. When I sleep, or I should say on the rare occasion that I do sleep, my mind is still racing.

So, who cares? Well, I thought it may be of interest to those who, like me, have a similar struggle and are looking for answers. We desire to reserve some capacity every moment of every waking hour for Christ. We want him present with us. We want to be present with him. We rise with that desire, we pray, we meditate, we discipline ourselves to hours of prayer. However, in the mean times – when we are not on our knees dedicated to the specific task of prayer (and unfortunately sometimes when we are), our minds are racing.

Then, the day suddenly comes to a close. Yes, we have given a good deal of time to prayer. However, as we close the day we realize that the majority of the time passed without even a hint of prayer. We created our tasks lists, even with our sacred callings in mind. However, once off of our knees, he really was nowhere to be found (in our hearts and minds). Not that he was not with us, but we were not with him. We are constantly in a flurry of self-sufficiency. Such that it even threatens and encroaches on our other spiritual commitments. Tasks and thoughts about tasks constantly push in to crowd him out as if they desire that he not be present – as if they, though good tasks, were presented by the devil himself – anything to keep us from him – even that which is “good.”

So, what is the answer? Really, I don’t know for sure. Thus far my attempts have been focused on nurturing my prayer life (morning and evening prayer etc.). By God’s mercy this effort has yielded great fruit. However, I don’t seem to be making much progress with the idea of staying present with Christ in between specific times of prayer.

This morning I read something helpful by Brother Lawrence. He said that evil begins in our thoughts. That we must be careful to reject each of these thoughts “as soon as we become aware that they are not essential to our present duties, or our salvation.” This idea struck me as very wise. I realized that I constantly entertain thoughts that though not evil or sinful in and of themselves, they fail to rise to the standard of helping with present duties and my salvation.

Is this the next great battle ground of my growth in faith? I think so. So why bring this to your attention? My hope is that if there is anyone out there that has overcome this challenge, that you might offer up suggestions to aid me and others in the fight.

With such an active mind and naturally aggressive work ethic, how can I reserve a portion of myself as always attentive to Christ – every waking moment of  my life?

Anonymous

How can I better prepare for prayer and meditation?

Q: Father John, in the first part of your book, The Better Part, you mention something about preparing for tomorrow’s meditation the night before. I also heard that mentioned by a priest giving us a talk during a retreat. Can you explain this a little bit more? What do you mean, exactly, and is that something just for religious and priests, or should I be doing it too?

A: It seems to me that your question is being asked in direct response to the nudging of the Holy Spirit. You have noticed references to the “preparation of points” (as spiritual writers often refer to it) in two different contexts, and it has made you curious. That’s usually how the Holy Spirit tries to get our attention. I will do my best to give you some clarity.

Reasons for Getting Ready

Let’s start with an analogy. If you are going on a car trip to a place you have never been before, what’s the first thing you do? You look up the directions (unless you have a GPS, that is, but for the sake of argument, let’s say you don’t). And as you look them up, you jot down the key landmarks: get onto I-95 going north, take exit 78 towards Clintonville, turn right at the Gulf station… Once you start your trip, you keep the direction handy, referring to them now and again as you head towards your destination. They do not take the place of your journey; they are an aid to a smooth journey, one in which you don’t get lost.

The “preparation of points” for our meditation is like jotting down the directions for your meditation. It’s a longstanding practice used not only by priests and religious, but also by lay people – by anyone who is striving for greater depth and consistency in their life of mental prayer. It’s based on an extremely realistic principle, namely, that we rarely (if ever) find ourselves in the perfect circumstances for prayer. Usually, in fact, mental prayer is quite demanding. Not only do we have to keep our worries, agendas, and to-do lists on the back burner during the meditation (and they tend to throw tantrums when we don’t pay attention to them), but often we also have to battle against physical tiredness or discomfort, external noise, and even the wily distractions of the devil. This helps explains why persevering in prayer is challenging. It also helps explain why so many well-intentioned Christians never advance beyond the most elementary level of mental prayer – the onslaught of obstacles impedes their forward progress. The preparation of points is one proven tactic to help us deal more effectively with all these obstacles.

Brass Tacks

Here’s how it works. In the evening, or at night before you go to sleep, take five minutes to prepare for your next day’s meditation. Do it the night before, even if you won’t be doing your meditation until midday or tomorrow evening (though it is highly recommended to try and get our meditation in before we launch into the day’s busy-ness). During those five minutes do the following:

• Gather the materials you will need for your meditation, e.g., your notebook or spiritual journal, your crucifix, plus whatever book or text that you will be meditating on (your Bible, a missalette, a book of meditations…). Getting all this together the night before helps assure you will be able to get started without delay when tomorrow’s meditation time comes along.

• In your notebook or journal, jot down (it helps immensely to write things down at this point, even if you only write down key words – it focuses your mind now, and it will help focus your mind tomorrow, when the distractions or tiredness try to sidetrack you) the “points” of your meditation.

• The first point (and the most important one to call to mind the night before) is usually the fruit you are seeking in your meditation. This is tied in with your program of life, with the needs of your soul, with the virtues you are focusing your spiritual work on. For example, my fruit could be “to deepen my conviction that God is my Father who loves me with an everlasting love.” Sometimes the fruit can be stated in the form of a petition: “Lord, help me to see and to believe more firmly in your love for me.” This is the grace you are seeking in your meditation. It is in light of this grace that you have chosen whatever book or text you are using to help your meditation, and the other “points” that you may want to jot down are drawn from that text. You can read quickly over some or all of the text you will be meditating on, and if something strikes you, write down a key word – this is a “point” of meditation. If nothing strikes you, you can still write down some thoughts that will help get you into your meditation the next day. For example, you can write down an intention: “Offer this meditation for Jerry, who has surgery this week.” Or you can write down a reminder: “Finish the meditation by praying Psalm 22 slowly, using it to renew my confidence in God.” The points of meditation, when we write them down, become points of reference during the meditation, anchors that keep us focused as the waves of distraction and exhaustion pull us in a hundred different directions.

• As you jot down your points, try to avoid being to elaborate. You aren’t supposed to do the meditation the night before, just get the ingredients ready. Then, after you say your night prayers and turn off the light, as you go to sleep you can call to mind the points that you have prepared. This gives your subconscious a chance to work in favor of your meditation. Sometimes, key insights will come to you as you drift off, insights that will become the centerpiece of tomorrow’s meditation.

That’s it; it’s that simple. I could try to describe in greater detail the many benefits that accrue to those who make an effort, even a small one, to prepare their meditation points. But the simple fact that this practice has been common and recommended by the Church for at least the last five hundred years should be convincing enough. And besides, it’s more interesting to try it and see what the Holy Spirit does for you personally, rather than slogging through the description of someone else’s experience and then, perhaps mistakenly, trying to reproduce it detail by detail for oneself. But even so, I am sure we will all be interested to hear how it goes, if you decide to give it a shot. God bless you!

Yours in Christ, Father John Bartunek, LC

I want to pray but struggle with my schedule – what do I do?

Q: Father John, I am a busy executive and struggle to make time for prayer. What should I do? I do want to improve my prayer life but I just struggle with time.

A: The desire to improve your prayer life is a sign of God’s presence and action in your soul. Be grateful for it and rest assured that God, “who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion…” (Phil 1:6). In other words, as you make the effort, God will guide you (he already is). Trust in that. Then consider four other points:

1. Beware of Perfectionism: Sometimes our desire for perfection is the enemy of progress. For instance, in the spiritual enthusiasm following a good retreat, we can often make unrealistic resolutions, e.g. “I am going to spend a full hour every day in meditative prayer,” or “I am going to pray the entire Liturgy of the Hours before I go to work.” Over-achievers especially struggle with this tendency. Instead of being satisfied with a moderate work out three times a week they feel they are not living up to their potential unless they cram in six hour-long workouts every week – as if they were still training for elite track meets instead of raising a family and running a business. With that attitude, they never get regular exercise at all; their unrealistic ideal of perfection keeps them from the basic maintenance work out that they really need. So, ask yourself: am I being unrealistic in my expectations for what constitutes a healthy amount of time for prayer, considering my life-situation?

2. Consistency, Consistency, Consistency: Work on quality and regularity rather than quantity. It is probably realistic to take ten minutes a day to speak heart-to-heart with Christ. Choose the same ten-minute slot each day, as best you can. Then add in another daily prayer commitment – maybe a decade of the Rosary on the drive home, or a 2-minute stop at the statue of Mary in the Parish parking lot before you pull into your driveway, or five minutes thanking God for the blessings of the day before you go to sleep (this is a beautiful prayer to pray together with your spouse). Along with your daily prayer commitment, have another one each week – a holy hour (or a holy half-hour), a family Rosary on Saturday evening, arriving 15 minutes early for Sunday Mass, one extra Mass each week (maybe during your lunch hour on Thursday)… Then add something extra for each liturgical season: a family visit to a nearby Marian shrine in the Easter Season, a morning of reflection during Advent, a retreat during Lent… Once you have identified reasonable commitments, do your best to stick to them. Keep track of you how do, and at the end of each month, adjust them – adding or subtracting commitments, increasing or decreasing time, as necessary. Remember, these are commitments you are making to Christ, and he knows your schedule, so if you’re simply making a decent effort to stay united to him, you will be growing and he will be pleased. It’s an ongoing thing.

3. Find Good Resources: One of the biggest obstacles to growth in prayer is not knowing what to do once we actually get to our prayer time. Busy people need a good resource to help focus their attention on Christ. The Better Part: A Christ-Centered Resource for Personal Prayer was designed to be exactly that, a resource to help busy, active people go deeper in their prayer life. The Magnificat booklet also has material that can be very helpful. My own Order produces daily meditation guides distributed by email. Keep looking for material that helps you connect quickly and deeply with Christ, and that fits into your scheduled prayer commitments. Ask around, try different things… Prayer is like walking: we all follow the same basic principles when we do it, but we each do so in a very personalized way.

4. Work as Worship: Turn your work into prayer. Remember that the goal of our prayer is to know, love, and follow Christ better and better. There is not meant to be a Maginot Line separating our prayer and our life activities. As the Catechism says, “we pray as we live, because we live as we pray” (#2752). Pursue excellence at work as a way of glorifying God and helping your neighbors; treat your peers and employees as Christ would treat them; make all that you do an offering to God; live virtue in the midst of temptations as a way of “glorifying God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6:20)… Striving to make all your work, hobbies, family responsibilities, and relationships into the “aroma of Christ for God” (2 Corinthians 2:15) is in itself a prayer pleasing to God. It helps live more and more in Christ’s presence, bringing prayer and life closer together (though it never eliminates the need to dedicate time exclusively to God in prayer).

Much more could be said, but the key thing is just to keep trying to improve. Don’t think you’ll find the perfect formula – there is no such thing. It’s a question of constancy and perseverance in our efforts, all the while trusting that God is always guiding us.

Yours in Christ, Father John Bartunek, LC