Marital Conscience Exam – Marriage Spirituality Part 3 of 4

So, if you are back for more I think it is safe to assume that we agree that we are our spouses “keeper.” The challenge now, is where to start. The best place, once we understand that we have fallen short, is always the sacrament of reconciliation. We must have the grace of God provided in this sacrament to change the spiritual course of our marriage. But before you go to reconciliation, spend some time in prayer and, if possible, explore this challenge with your spiritual director. Ask Mary and Joseph (the models of the perfect family) to pray for you, to help you see your shortcomings, pray for God’s light as you ask yourself a few tough examen questions we have provided for your reflection:

• Have I neglected the spiritual care of my spouse?
• Have I allowed the busy-ness of life to crowd out my primary responsibility of caring for the spiritual needs of my spouse?
• Have I put my own needs and desires ahead of the spiritual needs of my spouse?
• Have I done anything that distracts my spouse from his/her spiritual development pursuits?
• Have I failed to nurture the spiritual interests of my spouse?
• Have I allowed my own fears or feelings of inadequacy to hinder spiritual activities with my spouse (e.g. praying together)?
• Have I been impatient at the lack of spiritual growth in my spouse and allowed despair to rise, or my hope in Christ to wane?
• Have I stopped praying and making sacrifices for my spouse that they might come to know Christ or to know Christ more fully?
• Have I stopped working on my own spiritual progress in holiness toward my spouse because of offenses that I nurture?
• Have I failed to forgive my spouse as Christ has forgiven me?

The good news is that God will give you the grace and strength necessary to honor your marriage and either deepen your relationship as it stands, or to embark on a new spiritual journey together. If you have taken these posts seriously, you are well on your way to changing the spiritual course of your marriage. The next step is to explore how to make basic commitments and follow through on them. Be assured that God’s grace will be with you as you fight to bring Christ more fully into the center of your relationship.

In Christ, Dan and Stephanie

Series Links

• Part 1 of 4 – Helping Your Spouse to Heaven

• Part 2 of 4 – Daughter of the King

Consolation & Desolation: What are “spiritualized capital sins”?

Q: Dear Father John, You used the phrase “spiritualized capital sins” in your post on consolation and desolation. I have never heard this idea before. What are spiritualized capital sins and how do they “attempt” to re-conquer the soul as we mature?

A: We have to remember that here on earth we are members of the Church militant. We are in the midst of a battle. As we grow spiritually, the enemies of our souls (the devil and his demons) don’t sit idly by. Did you know that the Church’s most notable heresiarchs (people who start heresies) were almost all priests in their forties? Pelagius, Arius, Apollinaris, Nestorius… These were all men of God, passionately dedicated to the Church and to seeking deeper intimacy with Christ, advanced in theological knowledge and in the spiritual life. Who would have guessed that they would become instruments of ecclesial devastation and spiritual shipwreck? And yet, they did. We can  never forget this: as we grow spiritually, the battle doesn’t go away.

But our enemies are smart. They know that temptation has to be customized to the situation of the person being tempted. They can’t invent new sins (the seven capital sins are always the primary categories for sinful behavior), but they can disguise them in new ways. So, for someone who is well along the road towards spiritual maturity, the tempters will have to clothe the capital sins in spiritual garments.

“Spiritualized” Capital Sins

For example, the inclination to vanity can appear in a subtle desire to have one’s new and advanced piety noticed. You start trying to draw attention to the outward manifestation of your devotion. Or you find yourself seeking to impress your spiritual director – hiding real struggles from them, lest they think you are less holy than you want to appear. You may even switch spiritual directors, not for any objective reason, but simply because you don’t want to follow anyone’s advice except your own.

The inclination to pride can show up in a sort of complacency in your religious works. You think you are really doing well, and so you start planning all kinds of great spiritual projects, but you don’t actually follow through on any of them. Or, you start talking about spiritual things with other people just to give them lessons, instead of seeking ways to put the lessons into practice yourself.

In the area of sensuality, you can become attached to the consolations that God has given you in your prayer and sacramental life. So you find yourself trying to force certain emotional reactions during your meditation or after Communion. You start to seek spiritual feelings too much, forgetting that the goal of holiness is union with God in mind and will, not feelings of consolation. You can even begin to become attached to friendships or relationships that seem to be based on spiritual values, but in truth you invest in them because of the emotional payback you feel instead of the mutual spiritual support they are supposed to provide; this can become a kind of spiritual lust. Spiritual greed can take the form of an insatiable desire to read every spiritual book, to accumulate rosaries and holy cards and icons, to jump around from devotion to devotion trying to imbibe the entire spiritual patrimony of the Church all at once even to the neglect of life’s basic duties (like one’s responsibilities to family members), instead of seeking patiently to go deep in the essentials.

Keeping Our Eye on the Ball: “Thy Will Be Done – Not Mine!”

These are some examples. You can find a more systematic summary of this spiritual trap in Fr. Tanquerey’s treatise on the spiritual life, #’s 1262-1269. We need to know that these types of attachments and self-absorption are possible, and that they can hinder spiritual progress as much as the less subtle sins. But we need not become obsessed with them. As always in the spiritual life, the compass and anchor remain the same: I love God by accepting and fulfilling his will in each moment of my life. That’s the litmus test, and that’s the surest guide through the shadows and tangles of this earthly pilgrimage – as sure a guide for us as it was for Jesus: “My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work” (John 4:34).

Should I ask my spiritual director (a priest) to also be my confessor?

Q: Dear Becky, I have a question for you. I have a priest spiritual director that I usually travel more than an hour to see every month. I go to confession weekly and am wondering if it would be best to see the same priest for confession for continuity, etc. Before my spiritual director relocated, I most often saw him for confession because it worked out that way, and, I believe it was God who arranged it that way. Would it be appropriate to ask my spiritual director to also provide confession when we meet?

A: The fact that you are receiving the sacrament of reconciliation weekly, and are traveling a good distance to see your spiritual director each month shows that you are serious about becoming holy.  Keep up the good work!

The short answer to your question is that it can’t hurt to ask.  We need to be considerate of our priests’ time, yet also remember that they became priests to help us to heaven.

Your concern for continuity shows that you understand the value of developing an ongoing relationship with your confessor, this is good.  And since we confess our sins, not to the priest, but to Jesus via the priest, receiving spiritual direction at this time is a very good idea.

Going to confession and receiving spiritual direction at the same time is a huge blessing.  There is special grace here because of the sacramental nature of confession, and it saves you from having to repeat or explain your struggles to your spiritual director when you see him each month.   If you have a good priest who can provide at the same time, both confession and sound spiritual direction, you are very blessed; this would be the optimal situation.

I can only assume from your question that the physical distance between you and your director has prevented you from seeing him more often.

That said, a few questions come to mind that you should discuss with your director.

First, does your spiritual director have the time/flexibility to see you more frequently?  If he does, do you have the means (time and cost of transportation), to make that trip more often? If not, you might want to alternate confession time (local for three weeks, then once a month with your priest/spiritual director).

Second, are you at a place where you can safely reduce the frequency of your confessions? If you are at a stage where you are not often tempted to mortal sin, it might be prudent to exchange frequent confessions for fewer that are more fruitful. You would, of course, still have the ability to make a confession with a local priest as needed.

That you believe God arranged for you to have this specific priest as your confessor is probably a reliable instinct.  If you think about it, having one person who sees the ‘whole’ of our spiritual life makes good sense. God knows what is best for us, and as we progress on the journey of the soul He may guide us to modify some practices in order to develop new ones.

Your spiritual director will be able to give you advice tailor made for your situation. Talk this over with him as appropriate matter for spiritual direction discussion.

Navigating the Interior Life – Upcoming Webinar Invitation

Dear Friends,

Please read this carefully as I will be traveling and will not likely be able to answer questions about this before the webinar.

Many of you attended one or both of our first webinars on prayer and the interior life. The purpose was to help the attendees understand the “You are here” of their walk with God and gain an understanding of what might be next for their journey in prayer.

After the webinar we received an influx of encouraging emails expressing appreciation for both the webinar itself and for the feedback/dialogue session at the end. We were able to field in the neighborhood of 50 questions at the end of each session. We had attendees from China, Finland, India, and from folks all over the U.S. The questions following the webinar were fantastic and the close-nit and encouraging community feel was really a delight for all.

The good news is that for the hundreds that could not get in or had schedule conflicts and requested a repeat of this webinar, we will be hosting the repeat on Saturday February the 11th and Saturday February the 18th. Here’s the info:

Topic: Navigating the Interior Life – Growing in Prayer and Virtue

• Start: 10:30 AM Central Time

• End: 11:30 AM Central Time

• Follow-Up Q&A: For those who want to interact more after the webinar, you will be able to stay on line for an extra 1/2 hour or so after the webinar is complete. This will be from 11:30 AM to approximately 12:00 PM Central time.

One challenge that we do not have an answer for is the issue of having more people sign up than we can accommodate. The software does not limit to the number of people who can register for a webinar (and, you must register in order to have a chance at a seat). However, there can only be 100 participants in each session (due to limitations in our budget). The secret to getting in? Register early and log in early.

Another common question was whether or not you need a microphone etc. The answer is that you don’t need one. All the dialogue happens via typing into a kind of chat room on the screen. All you need to participate is an internet connection and speakers.

So, here we go with round two… looking forward to meeting all the attendees!

TO REGISTER NOW CLICK HERE

PS: More good news! Father Bartunek has generously agreed to provide two webinars in the future on meditation. The only way to stay informed on these is to ensure you are subscribed to the posts on this site. If you have yet to sign up for free emails, please do so at the upper right of the sight under the “Subscribe Free Via Email” header and don’t forget to tell your friends about us!

Catechism – Vocal Prayer – 2702

The need to involve the senses in interior prayer corresponds to a requirement of our human nature. We are body and spirit, and we experience the need to translate our feelings externally. We must pray with our whole being to give all power possible to our supplication.