Struggling with overwhelming sorrow during Lent – How do I deal with it?

Q: Dear Catholic Spiritual Direction: We are but days into Lent, and, after being to our church’s Way of the Cross tonight, I’m overwhelmed with the “low” that Lent is already. Are we to embrace the low to make the joy of Easter even greater, or is there still joy to be found in the 40 days of the Lenten journey? If it’s intended to be 40 days of all low, how do we prevent ourselves from being overcome with the grief and depression that accompanies our reflection of what Christ endured for us sinners, especially when our focus is on his suffering rather than his resurrection during this season?

A: These are important questions; let’s take them one at a time.

First, embrace the lows of Lent to make the joy of Easter greater? Absolutely. This is the wisdom of the Church. Without suffering it is very difficult for us, in our broken state, to fully experience the joy that God has for us. Kahlil Gibran echoed this thought when he said, “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain… When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you will see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” So it is with Lent. The deeper we allow the sorrow to carve into our being during Lent, the more joy we will experience when we celebrate his resurrection!

Second, is there any joy found during Lent? Without a doubt. When Mel Gibson was making The Passion of The Christ, he ran into a problem. He recognized that the scenes of Christ’s sufferings were too much to take in any one sitting. He came up with the idea to intersperse flashbacks into the story. This gave just enough relief without totally leaving the theme of Christ’s horrific suffering and death on our behalf. Similarly, during Lent, every Sunday we have a time where we can set aside our fasting and remember not only his suffering but also his resurrection and provision for us in the Mass. Beyond this gift, we maintain our composure through all this because we know the end of the story. Those of us who suffer from lifelong illnesses sometimes are overwhelmed because in the midst of our suffering we don’t know if it will end in this life. With Lent we not only know the end of the story, but we even know the exact date when it it will end. This should give us the courage to persevere through the challenges and purification this season brings to our souls.

A few more points about grief and depression. It is one thing to feel great sorrow over our sins and to thereby enter into the deep sufferings of Christ, and another to enter into anything like clinical depression or any other unhealthy spiritual or emotional state. With respect to the former, St. Teresa of Avila, after meditating on Christ’s sufferings on her behalf, would often become overwhelmed with grief and weeping for lengthy periods time. The harm done? Absolutely none. In fact, she attributes a great deal of the work of God in her soul, and the souls of other holy men and women, to this kind of affective meditation. How can you tell the difference? The difference is that someone who is truly experiencing union with Christ and his sufferings will experience two things:

1) Peace: Even with intense suffering of this kind, if we maintain peace in the depths of our souls and feel a greater compulsion to love him for what he has done for us, this is a good indicator that our sorrow is truly godly sorrow rather than an unhealthy state of depression.

2) Virtue: If  our heightened sense of his love for us and our corresponding love for him leads us to deepen our prayer, expand our acts of charity, or further intensify our mortification, then, again, our suffering is likely sourced in God’s real and active presence in our meditation.

St. Paul in his second letter to the Corinthians clearly echoes these truths (emphasis mine):

As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting; for you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation and brings no regret, but worldly grief produces death. For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, what eagerness to clear yourselves… what longing, what zeal …!

Finally, if you find yourself with a sorrow that does not meet the test of “godly sorrow” you can do two things about it. First, go absorb yourself in service to others – particularly those less fortunate than you. If the enemy is behind the anxiety in your heart, responding with love toward God and others will drive this oppression away. If you continue to struggle, make sure you talk with your spiritual director to get more specific insights into how you can make this season one in which you grow in your love and knowledge of Christ and in the virtuous life.

He is real, present, and good… may he always be so to you,

Dan

Laughing at Lucifer in Lent

In 1942 C.S. Lewis published one of his most enduring and endearing books. The Screwtape Letters is a collection of imaginative epistles from a senior devil to his junior colleague, outlining how he should handle his “patient.” Lewis wrote the book as a series of essays for The Guardian newspaper and confessed that the pieces were not fun to write.

Over the years Lewis’ Luciferian letters have become ever more popular. In 2003 the Fellowship for the Performing Arts created a stage adaptation of Screwtape. It ran for 11 weeks in New York City and is now on a national tour. Walden Media, which produced The Chronicles of Narnia films, has promised a film version, and various famous actors have recorded audio versions of the book — the most recent being Andy Serkis, who plays Gollum in The Lord of the Rings movies. (This audiobook is sold by the Register’s sister company, Circle Press, at CirclePress.org.)

Lewis’ classic has also spawned a subgenre of books. Peter Kreeft wrote The Snakebite Letters. Randy Alcorn has written two books, Lord Foulgrin’s Letters and The Ishbane Conspiracy. Screwtape has been featured in a Bono music video and the cartoon strip “Calvin and Hobbes,” and there has even been a Mormon book written in the same style.

Lewis didn’t apologize for the fact that Screwtape Letters is an entertaining and amusing read. Indeed, in the opening pages, he quotes Martin Luther and St. Thomas More on the need to take Lucifer lightly. Luther wrote, “The best way to drive out the devil, if he will not yield to texts of Scripture, is to jeer and flout him, for he cannot bear scorn.”

For his part, St. Thomas More said: “The devil … that proud spirit … cannot endure to be mocked.”

A few years ago, on my blog, I started writing some of my own Luciferian letters for Lent. I found the exercise to be fascinating and frightening fun. It was a challenge to see things from the devil’s point of view. Eventually, I fleshed out the letters and added a plotline that begins on Shrove Tuesday and finishes on Easter Day.

What I came to realize as I wrote was that Luther and St. Thomas More were right: One of the best ways to battle against the devil is to mock him. Books in the tradition of The Screwtape Letters do just that.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that we dismiss the devil or underestimate his power. What it does mean is that we engage in the battle with a sense of humor and a sense of proportion.

We are not mocking the spiritual battle but, rather, the pride and vanity of one who thinks himself the highest while he is really the lowest.

Of course we must take sin seriously. The reality of the devil must be admitted, and, especially during Lent, we must enter the spiritual battle wearing our full armor. All I am suggesting is that part of that armor should be the swift arrows of good humor and humility.

Laughing at Lucifer is a good way to do just that.

Laughing at Lucifer in Lent means that we are happy warriors. We are launching out on the spiritual battle with a spring in our step and a smile on our face. The Gospel says when we fast we should wash our face and put on a smile, and the spiritual writers speak of keeping a “joyful Lent.” We’re not going about as gloomy defeatists.

This requires a clear understanding of our own faults and the reality of temptation.

As we engage in spiritual battle during Lent, we should do so with the joyful knowledge that, no matter what, Christ’s forgiveness upholds us and that, in him, as St. Paul says, “we are more than conquerors.” When we face temptation, we should overcome it not just with a serious resolve and a whopping amount of self-control, but also with the wisdom and insight it takes to see the temptation for what it is.

Then we can sidestep the attack and parry with a counterthrust in the robust spirit of a jaunty swordsman or a laughing cavalier.

We fight joyfully because the devil is already defeated. On Easter Day he was trampled down forever. Furthermore, he was defeated in a kind of divine practical joke. It was a plot reversal that would make any filmmaker proud. Jesus is down, and the devil seems to have killed God’s Son. Then, in a totally unexpected twist, Jesus rises again, and Satan is defeated by his own wicked plan.

This is the ammunition to fire at Satan. Like a teasing teenager, we can point at Lucifer and say, “Loser! You were hoist with your own petard!”

We fight with confidence because Christ has won the victory. St. Paul again: “[N]either death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Finally, laughing at Lucifer in Lent reminds us to laugh at ourselves, too. When we see his mock dignity, his pomposity, his wounded pride, his vaunted self-importance, his know-it-all attitude and his sublime arrogance, we ought to see our own souls reflected there — for, if we can laugh at his foolish pride, then we ought to be able to laugh at our own, as well.

I am often reminded of a dear old nun who told me that her confessor had fallen asleep while she was making her confession. She smiled ruefully and said, “Oh dear, it seems that not even my sins are very interesting!” Then she laughed, and at that moment, her real humility was displayed.

G.K. Chesterton said that angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. This Lent, if we learn to laugh at Lucifer and laugh at ourselves, we might find that, before long, we too are taking ourselves lightly. Then who knows? Come Easter Day, we might just fly away.

Father Dwight Longenecker

Provided with permission of the National Catholic Register

Father Longnecker also has written a book in this tradition entitled, The Gorgoyle Code

Fr. Barron comments on Pope John Paul II and Self-Mortification

The Lenten War on Self – Are You Prepared for Battle?

Saint Paul would not likely find many friends in some corners of the Church today – nor would Jesus for that matter. Primarily because they use what our culture would consider harsh language when dealing with sin in the Christian life. Paul uses the language of an elite athlete, the language of self-discipline and severe mortification. Jesus uses very graphic and violent imagery when emphasizing the seriousness of sin and those who excuse it or who would deal with it in a passive manner. As we enter into Lent, it might be a healthy cultural detox for us to meditate on these difficult things and to better understand the mind of God on how we are to wage war against our sin…

Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Well, I do not run aimlessly, I do not box as one beating the air; but I pummel my body and subdue it, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

St. Paul – 1 Corinthians Chapter 9

If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.

Jesus – St. Matthew Chapter 5

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.

St. Paul – Hebrews Chapter 12

Since nature opposes what is good, I promise to declare a merciless war against myself. My weapons for the battle will be prayer, the practice of the presence of God, and silence. But, O my Life, You know that I am not skilled in handling these arms. Nevertheless, I will arm myself with sovereign confidence in You, with patience, humility, conformity to Your divine will, and supreme diligence. But where shall I find the aid I need to fight against so many enemies in such a continual battle? Ah! I know! You, my God, proclaim Yourself my Captain, and raising the standard of Your Cross, You lovingly say, ‘Come, follow Me; do not fear’

St Teresa Margaret of the Heart of Jesus

Seek Him – Find Him – Follow Him

Dan

Spiritual Direction – A Bishop’s Perspective – Part III of III

Below you will find a few different scenarios that a spiritual director may face. By reflecting on each scenario not only from the point of view of the spiritual director but also from the point of view of the one seeking direction, we can gain a better understanding of how we receive and give spiritual direction.

1. Someone calls to ask for spiritual direction; he/she was referred to you.

First, it’s important to ask a few questions, such as, “What exactly is this person looking for? Do they know what spiritual direction entails? Why were they referred to me? Do I have the time to give an hour a month to this person? Can I commit myself?”

A trained and qualified spiritual director who is busy with his/her own personal full time commitments should not accept more than eight directees. They should be selected by one simple criterion: “Can I be helpful to them?” The spiritual director ought to discern carefully and prayerfully before saying yes. It may be good to have a variety of directees (i.e., not all women or all men, or all priests or religious). Once a spiritual director says yes, he or she should commit to that person by prayer and availability.

2. Someone who has been with a particular spiritual director for a year expresses the desire to find someone new.

This may be the result of something on the side of the director or that of the directee. It is a cause for discernment for both. It may simply be that it is not a good fit. Nonetheless, the director must leave the directee free for this decision. Ultimately, it is the responsibility of the directee to pursue his or her own spiritual health and well-being.

3. Someone comes to talk about “spiritual dryness” in prayer.

The director should be careful not to make a hasty analysis. It is good to listen. Spiritual direction is about helping the directee respond to God’s movement in the soul. There may be obstacles to sensing this movement, and these obstacles can be discerned by direction, a retreat, some counseling, or by time set aside for leisure and prayer. The topic of discussion for spiritual direction ought to be the prayer life of the directee – how, when, why, and what helps or hinders prayer. This is the “stuff” of the conversations of spiritual direction.

4. Someone comes to talk about visions or locutions he or she has been having.

“I prefer the monotony of sacrifice to the ecstasy of spiritual experience,” said Saint Theresa, the “Little Flower.” This reminds us that the little acts of love and sacrifice are a great benefit to the soul. Locutions, visions, etc., must be discerned prayerfully. However, attention should be paid to the prayer life, personal morality, and developing virtues in the directee rather than focusing too much on those matters.

5. Someone who has been in spiritual direction for two years says that he or she is being led out of a traditional vocation during prayer.

This is cause for special attention and discernment. This discernment should be made over a year of retreats, monthly spiritual direction, and counseling (if needed). The spiritual director is important in guiding this process but does not make decisions for the directee. The process may take many different turns along the way. The spiritual director may need to confide in another person trained in spiritual direction to be sure he or she is giving the best possible guidance. Likewise, the directee must take every precaution against self-deception, which is easy to fall into and hard to detect by oneself.

6. Someone comes to a spiritual director, asking for help to discern a call to a religious, priestly, or diaconal vocation.

If a person comes seeking this kind of assistance, the spiritual director ought to give this top priority. As mentioned above, to the spiritual director guides the process, makes recommendations, and helps the directee to hear God’s voice but not make the final decision. The spiritual director may have his or her own preconceived ideas of what the directee should do, but it is very important to listen and encourage the directee to be as generous as possible with whatever God is asking.

7. A spiritual director expresses the desire to see a directee more often – even socially, if possible.

This crosses emotional boundaries and should not be done unless the directee finds another director. Only then is it prudent to develop a spiritual friendship. The spiritual director must be the one to protect the boundaries. He is always a father, never a peer. The relationship should not be one in which the director benefits from the directee in any way other than the spiritual satisfaction of knowing he is of some help to the directee. Spiritual direction should be a free gift offered and received without strings attached.

8. Someone who has worked with a spiritual director during the past year talks only about work, relationships, current problems, or dryness – and very little about prayer.

As mentioned above, prayer is the “stuff” of the conversation between director and directee. A discernment of the usefulness of spiritual direction might be in order if very little time is devoted to talking about prayer. Perhaps counseling, retreat work, better family or work relationships, new friendships, or something else can be suggested to the directee. The spiritual director should ask himself and the directee why there is so little talk about prayer.

9. Someone who has been in spiritual direction for two years complains about too much or too little direction.

Direction is more an art than a science. Too much advice is not good; neither is too little. The art of direction is very much a gift of the Holy Spirit that ought to be eagerly sought by both director and directee. Beginning each session with a prayer to the Holy Spirit is a good discipline. A spiritual director should always be improving his art. This can be done by talking to other directors or by some continuing education in the art of spiritual direction.

10. The spiritual director finds himself attracted to a certain person who comes for spiritual direction.

This is natural, but one must always remain alert. Spiritual direction is one of the most intimate of experiences. The director himself, and no one else, is always responsible for the boundaries – especially emotional boundaries. If the director feels that there is something inappropriate on the part of the directee, he should say so clearly in order to help the directee delve more deeply into the issue.

Spiritual directors must be aware of any flirting or suggestive talk and should have the courage to look at his or her own life soberly. If help is required, one’s own spiritual director should be consulted. No one should provide spiritual direction for others if that person does not also receive monthly spiritual direction. He may have to terminate the arrangement of serving as this person’s spiritual director if he cannot serve that person well or if his own weaknesses get in the way.

11. Someone asks a spiritual director for help in deciding what to do in a marital situation that has gone bad.

It is difficult to counsel one side of a marriage, but unfortunately it is hard to get both sides to agree to see someone together. Spiritual direction in itself is always helpful; this may also be the case for a spouse whose marriage is in need of help. Nonetheless, marital counseling may also be needed to compliment this. A good spiritual director knows how and when to guide a person to seek a good counselor, attend a retreat, schedule some time away for prayer, or engage in another spiritual discipline that may be helpful.

12. A spiritual director’s friend asks for help in discerning a vocational/personal crisis.

Friends are a special gift. Much spiritual direction takes place naturally in good friendships. Nonetheless, in this case, spiritual direction per se should be temporary and always with the suggestion that finding a spiritual director that is removed from the friendship side of things is a better option.

Conclusion

From this brief reflection on spiritual direction one can see that it is different from counseling, although there may be elements of this at times. It is also different from occasional advice given here and there. Spiritual direction is a consistent monthly relationship of support for the directee, and it is an art in itself. Spiritual direction is also different from occasional or frequent confession. A spiritual director who is happens to be a priest may choose to hear the confession of the directee if asked, but if the directee chooses to discuss this in spiritual direction, he or she must give explicit permission for the spiritual director to do so. The seal of confession must never be violated.

Discussions between a spiritual director and directee must always remain confidential. This should be understood by both director and directee from the very beginning. Good spiritual directors have learned the art of keeping confidences.

Spiritual direction is a special grace for both the one receiving it and the one giving it. The lived experience of those who have benefited from direction and those who serve as spiritual directors confirms this truth. The art of spiritual direction is much like prayer; it can only be learned by doing. Nonetheless, there is no substitute for reading and educating ourselves on this important matter. It is my hope that this brief introduction will serve to encourage us to do just that.

+Bishop Gregory Mansour+