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My pastor mentioned my sins in the homily – I am mortified – What do I do?

Posted Friday, November 20th, 2009 at 1:54 pm under Penance/Confession, Questions and Answers, Sacraments
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confessionalQ: Dear Father Joseph, The last time I went to confession, the priest ended up using my fears and sins (the ones I had confessed) while preaching his next Sunday homily. I want to go back, but I was so humiliated by this. Help!!!

A: It is not hard to see how uncomfortable this must have been. Our sins and failures cause us tremendous suffering and it can be a terrible mortification to even suspect that others may know what they are. This is the reason why the sacrament of confession has a protective seal on it. All things spoken there are put into God’s hands, forgiven and forgotten. No one can use the information from confession in a way that would reveal the sin and the sinner, or be onerous to the one who has confessed.

That does not mean, however, that a priest can’t take the pulse of his parish based on what he hears in confession and spiritual direction. Far from citing the sins of others (which, if he mentioned the sin and the sinner would be a direct violation of the seal of confession), he could speak generally about the difficulties he sees as a way to encourage, explain, motivate and help. Tact is always important here, especially to avoid the experience you have had.

In a situation like the one you mention, you may think that the priest has you alone in mind. It is much more likely that he does not even remember what you personally told him, but rather, that he has heard similar things quite often from many others… and not only in confession. When it comes to our sins we are very sensitive and it is hard to come to any other conclusion then that the priest is signaling us out, personally.

I would recommend continuing going to the sacrament, which is a great gift from God, and which not all take advantage of (you are blessed). If you are on more familiar terms with this priest or feel sufficient confidence, you could even mention to him what you experienced in the homily. He would surely be grateful and could also offer a better explanation for why he said what he did.

If in the end things don’t change, you can always find another confessor. The Church wants you to feel free and comfortable and would like to make it as easy as possible for you to go to this life giving sacrament.

Yours in Christ, Father Joseph Burtka, LC

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  • Song

    I have experienced the same. I remember feeling like I had been betrayed.

    I have grown to understand that oftentimes, we feel we are alone in how we are feeling and experiencing, but we really are not.

    I realized this when I have the courage to share my pain and sorrows with others.

    Let us be gentle with our Priests, they carry the burden of a fallen world they want so desperately to save within human limitations.

  • http://none Colleen Pearce

    This happened to me too…I also was mortified and wanted to leave the church but couldn’t…as I was driving someone home. I felt terrible, embarassed beyond belief and couldn’t believe what I was hearing !! …you are not alone….

  • Denise

    I have experienced something similar except I felt that I was being admonished for a unconfessed sin! In the end, I learned that he was bothered by something that happened earlier in the week and felt the need to speak about it. When Father saw that I was trying to melt into the pew he thought that he was being too harsh in his homily and asked for my feed back. It was a good lesson on many levels.

    Denise

  • http://embarq mary weeks

    I have had the very same thing happen but I received the answer I was looking for in the homily the very night I confessed. It was awesome!

  • Annie D’couto

    I very much agree with fr. Joseph’s explanation as I have heard many priests quoting examples from the confessions they heard. Names are not reveald, but spoken in general to help others facing the same consequences or the similar situations in their lives. On the contrary, the priests try to remove the guilt within us, trying to make it easy, so that one would receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation without fear, doubts or strong guilt.

    But yes, of course, if one is not feeling very comfortable while speaking to a confessor, you can always pray n ask God to send you to the right one next time you go. And above all if it happens against your liking, it means….God wants to make you humble. Based on my personal experiences I speak. It would be difficult initially, but gradually when one abides, the Spirit will guide us smoothily and will teach us to be humble in different walks of life.

  • Mary M.

    Question: Fr. John, my problem is a bit different. And I need your help to see me through this Advent Season. I made a resolution to be attending the Sacrament of Confession every two weeks. My daily schedule is spent in Religious Readings. I recently joined the Apostolate of the Devotion to the Eucharistic Divine Mercy founded by St. Maria Faustina. It was a God-sent oppotunity to me because I have been unable to join the Small Christian Communities organized in Parishes because I have always been a loner since I lost my husband in 1994 who was the only friend I ever had and, indeed, needed during our 37 and a half years of marriage. So the Divine Mercy of God Apostolate where we meet in Cenacles of about 10 people every Tuesday and then we have Lectures and Spiritual Guidance, Adoration and Holy Mass on the 1st and 3rd week of very month for all the members of the Apostolate, has served me very well. We also go out to other Parishes in other Dioceses to spread the Divine Mercy Message.

    The problem I have in this journey of my Faith is the anxiety which attacks me from time to time when I am filled with self-doubt of my motives and intentions in following my Faith schedule. With my time now free to devote myself to God, I do my religious readings and seek Inspiration Prayers and Spiritual Direction from the Web during the day. I pray the 3.00pm Divine Mercy Holy Hour at home and then attend the Holy Hour Eucharistic Adoration at 4.00pm, followed by the Eucharistic Celebration and reception of the Holy Communion. I begin the end my day with the Holy Rosary through our Radio Waumini at 8.30 pm and close the day with Bible Reading and night prayers on the Radio and,lastly, the Vatican Radio Programme at 11.00 pm, ending with my personal night prayers.

    From time to time for a few months now, these doubts have overwhelmed me that, it is probably my self-love, selfishness or even pride which has made me adopt this style of life. Yet, when I go for my fortnightly Confession, I am truly contrite and sorry for my sins. Remembering the sins of my past life always reduces me to tears that I treated a Loving God so badly, yet He has never given up on me and has instead, despite my sinful life, blessed me from infancy. When I got maried and started family life His blessings and protection has never left us. He has been so generous and loving in so many ways that I cannot enumerate. He continues to do the same even now.

    My question, Father is this. Why this occasional bout of self-doubt which throws me into depression to a point where I feel that I am still offending God because my intentions and motives are not genuine? Could it be Satan is fighting to derail me or are these doubts genuine? And if they are genuine, what can I do to fight my lower self and begin to focus on God alone and clean up pride and self-love from my heart to be able to obtain His Grace to overcome my selfishness and serve Him honestly?

    Please advise this confused and worried soul. I so much want to do what is right and serve God genuinely all the remaining days of my life but these doubts keep on cropping up time afer time and throw me into total confusion of self-doubt. God bless you

    • Dan Burke

      Dear Mary in Christ,

      The internet (lacking in deep personal connection and understanding) is a far too limited venue to try to answer such a sensitive and important questions. Our advice is to meet with a priest to work through this.

      Be assured that you are in our prayers.

      Pax Christi

  • Song

    Dear Mary,

    I suggest you say a Novena to St. Dymphna. Pray for her intercession in helping you find peace.

    Prayers,
    Song