Skype and remote spiritual direction… is this ok?

Q: Dear Father John, I have loved reading your blog and have gained many insights from it that I will put into practice! I have been wondering about a spiritual direction question: I live quite a distance from the priest I would prefer to seek direction from and it is difficult for us to connect. I was wondering if it was possible to do spiritual direction remotely using a phone, email or video messaging (eg: Skype). I understand sacramental confession cannot be done via such methods but I was wondering if using these technologies for remote spiritual direction might be permitted if both parties agreed.

A: Thank you for the encouragement and for the excellent question. Remote spiritual direction is certainly permitted, if both parties agree. In fact, throughout the history of the Church, spiritual direction through letters has been a fairly common, though not normal, practice. Usually, however, it is a practice used by directors and directees who have already established a person-to-person relationship, or who are already fairly advanced in the spiritual life. The practice has also usually occurred in situations where there really was no other choice. St Francis Xavier, for example, received his spiritual and apostolate guidance from St Ignatius Loyola solely through letters, once he began his missionary work.

That said, in general, remote direction is not encouraged, especially if you are just starting to receive spiritual direction. I think you can figure out why. Much of spiritual direction involves the two people getting to know and trust each other. And that takes so much longer when it has to happen remotely. We communicate more than we realize through our postures, expressions, and other intangible signals at work in same-space, face-to-face situations. When we substitute remote connections, even video connections, all of that is truncated. In such a situation, it is hard to make steady progress.

If you really see no alternative (have you read the post about looking for a spiritual director?), and your director agrees, the challenge will be to keep your interaction clear and objective. Your biggest ally in that effort will be drawing up a program of life, and structuring your directions around that. I would also recommend making a special effort to meet same-space, face-to-face, at least once in a while (every fourth month, for example) if at all possible.

I hope these thoughts are helpful. I will say a prayer that you find a good spiritual director.

Introduction to Spiritual Warfare – Part IV – Getting Down to Action

Q: Dear Father John, I have been working on my prayer life consistently for a few years. During this time I have been on retreats and other similar activities. I have noticed a strange pattern: the conservative groups I have had contact with talk a lot about spiritual warfare, but the less traditionalist groups don’t. Until now, I haven’t paid much attention to the discrepancy. But lately I was wondering if maybe I should look into it – maybe understanding it better will help me grow spiritually?

A: I hope the first three parts of this series have succeeded in helping you understand the reality and nature of spiritual warfare. By now you may be piqued, though, at how theoretical it has been. That was necessary – no one can act intelligently without knowledge of the situation they are facing. But now it’s time to get practical. We know that our daily life as Christians consists in an ongoing battle, a steep climb beset with obstacles and enemies. The battle takes place in each person’s heart, where we make our decisions. In every decision, we can choose our personal, natural, and self-centered preferences, or God’s wise, redeeming, and often uncomfortable (for us) preferences. So, what can we do to defend ourselves against our enemies (the world, the flesh, and the devil), who are always trying to drag us away from God’s will and into the pit of self-will? Four things.

1) Steering Straight

First, we have to keep our mind clear. We have to stay focused on the truths that our faith reveals to us: the truth of heaven and hell; the truth of where happiness resides (in communion with God); the truth of whose voice is dependable (the voice of the Church); the truth of our own weakness and wounded nature… Jesus put it simply: “… You will come to know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).

Our spiritual enemies obscure the truth. They hide part of it, or exaggerate another part of it. They put before our mind’s eye a false promise. We can only avoid being deceived if we are consciously, purposely, and regularly feeding our minds with the truth. If you are driving and take your hands off the steering wheel, what will happen? Sooner or later (probably sooner), the wheels will turn whichever way gravity, momentum, friction, and the road pulls them, and you will crash. You have to keep your hands on the wheel so as to keep heading in the right direction. You don’t necessarily have to grip the wheel with all your might (unless you are in the middle of a storm). You don’t necessarily even have to grip the wheel with both hands. But you have to keep steering, or the forces of entropy will steer you to destruction.

Keeping our minds clear is like keeping our hands on the steering wheel. We have to stay in touch with the sources of our faith: the Bible, the teaching of the Church, the writings of the saints and spiritual masters. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you spend four-and-a-half hours a day in the library. But it does mean finding and regularly dipping into the sources that explain our faith and apply it to our lives. It means finding dependable explanations of current events and issues, explanations that shed the light of God’s revelation on them. It means actively asking questions about what you believe and seeking the answers from trustworthy guides. It means study, reflection, discussion, and an active pursuit of deeper understanding. How sad it is to meet grown-up Catholics who know no more about their faith than they did when they received their first Communion as a child! How happy the devil is with such Catholics, because it’s so much easier for him to lead them astray with a skewed story on CNN about the Church, or an article in the New York Times, or a seductive work of spiritual distortion like The Da Vinci Code!

2) Keeping the Pedal to the Metal

Second, we have to keep our will in shape. We have all been wounded by original sin, and by our personal sins. And so we all can identify with St Paul when he says, “I do not understand my own behavior; I do not act as I mean to, but I do things that I hate” (Romans 7:15). Even when we know what our faith asks of us, we often find it hard to comply. The mind (the intellect) may see our destination clearly, but the will (our willpower) may resist (our enemies egg on this resistance). If we have our hands on the steering wheel, it does no good unless we also put our foot on the gas pedal.

Keeping the will in shape requires self-discipline and self-governance. I wish there were a shortcut, but there isn’t. We have to discipline ourselves: use a budget; follow a personal schedule; go to bed at a reasonable hour so as to get up at a reasonable hour; eat and exercise healthily; keep our stuff (room, car, house, office, garage…) clean and in order; avoid over-indulgence in entertainment; do chores; don’t get distracted at work; avoid procrastination… Everything your mother taught you when you were growing up was steeped in wisdom. An ordered life is the backbone of a healthy will. This type of self-discipline, because it requires self-denial, can also be a fruitful source of penance. Sometimes we are attracted by exotic penances, like climbing the Holy Stairs on our knees. Nothing wrong with that. But the warp and woof of spiritual maturity are the quite unromantic realities of constancy and hidden sacrifice. These strengthen us, so that we can say yes to whatever our faith asks of us, no matter how wily our enemies get. Remember, it’s an ongoing thing – we will never be perfect at this here on earth; we will always be tweaking, adjusting, and recovering from bouts of disorder and laziness, but if the effort is constant, the fruits will be too.

Of course, we have to stay balanced. Some personalities tend to revere order for order’s sake, and they go berserk at the slightest alteration in their schedule or plans. They are constantly on edge, lest they arrive two minutes late, or lest the dishes don’t get done right away. If you have one of those personalities, you need to form your will in the other direction, disciplining yourself to relax and be flexible, to forgive and bear with the faults and personalities of others, without compromising the essence of an ordered, purposeful life.

3) Keeping the Gas Tank Full

Third, we have to keep our spiritual gas tank full of God’s grace. Jesus made this amply clear: “I am the vine; you are the branches… With me, you can do nothing” (John 15:5). The Christian life is a supernatural life. We have to do our part, because God doesn’t want us to be robots – he wants us to be friends. But our part is never enough. His grace is the lifeblood of spiritual maturity, wisdom, and lasting happiness. If you have your hands firmly on the steering wheel and your foot on the accelerator, you still won’t go anywhere if the car is out of gas.

We tap into God’s grace through regular and conscientious participation in the sacraments, especially the Eucharist and confession (both of which make the devil furious and send him packing), and through prayer. And, in fact, a lively and growing life of prayer is the secret to a conscientious participation in the sacraments. If you aren’t cultivating a personal relationship with your Lord on a daily basis, listening for his words to you and speaking to him from your heart, even your sacramental life will begin to fall into routine. So your daily God-time is crucial. It is your lifeline. It is the one thing that you need to protect the most.

If you were the devil, you would do everything in your power to empty the gas tank of grace, wouldn’t you? Don’t let him. To this end, it is often helpful to be part of a small group (Bible study, prayer group, ecclesial movement…) that can supply some accountability in your spiritual commitments. Life in today’s world is just so busy, so noisy. It never has been easy to stay close to God all by oneself, and it is even harder now. To this end, we also need to take time for spiritual retreats, pilgrimages, and special liturgical celebrations. Our lives should be punctuated by objective encounters with God’s grace. That’s why he gave us the Church.

4) Don’t Be A Fool

Fourth, we need regular, strong doses of objectivity. In other words, we need to be told that we are fools, but God still loves us. The devil loves convincing people that their subjective point of view is sufficient for growth in holiness – they are called, eventually, heretics.

Do you remember the two disciples that abandoned the Apostles after Good Friday? They were walking home to Emmaus, and Jesus (now resurrected) fell in with them, but they didn’t recognize him. They told him all about the events of the Passion, and explained that they had been wrong (so they thought, subjectively) about Jesus being the Messiah, so now they were heading home to go back to their old lives. And Jesus’ first words to them were: “You foolish men!” He called them fools! And then he explained the bigger picture and put them back on track. It was the first spiritual direction after Christ’s resurrection. We need spiritual direction. Just as even the best athletes will never reach their full potential without a coach to push, guide, and motivate them, so we will never really get in spiritual gear if we try to direct ourselves. Which, by the way, is why we started this blog.

In conclusion, if someone tells you that spiritual warfare is irrelevant, you can confidently discard their input. And now I think you can see that yes, indeed, it is extremely useful for our spiritual growth to understand, and to reflect deeply upon, the reality and dynamics of spiritual warfare. I hope these posts have helped you to do that. Happy fighting.

Yours in Christ, Father John Bartunek, LC

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My bed calls to me…

This morning Lord, my heart is dull and seems only half alive. I come before you only by my will, not my desire. I am tired and weary after a night of tossing and turning. My muscles ache, I am weak, the bed is calling me back. Why is my soul so fickle and seemingly so subject to the weaknesses of my flesh? One day it is inflamed with passion for you. The next, it is lifeless – because of sleep? Still, I love you Jesus my love. Still, I desire to give all of myself to you. Still I ask that you give me strength to serve you – that you grant that I may love you always – and then do with me what you will.

Theophilus…

“Come, all you who are weary and heavy laden, I will give you rest.”

My pastor mentioned my sins in the homily – I am mortified – What do I do?

Q: Dear Father Joseph, The last time I went to confession, the priest ended up using my fears and sins (the ones I had confessed) while preaching his next Sunday homily. I want to go back, but I was so humiliated by this. Help!!!

A: It is not hard to see how uncomfortable this must have been. Our sins and failures cause us tremendous suffering and it can be a terrible mortification to even suspect that others may know what they are. This is the reason why the sacrament of confession has a protective seal on it. All things spoken there are put into God’s hands, forgiven and forgotten. No one can use the information from confession in a way that would reveal the sin and the sinner, or be onerous to the one who has confessed.

That does not mean, however, that a priest can’t take the pulse of his parish based on what he hears in confession and spiritual direction. Far from citing the sins of others (which, if he mentioned the sin and the sinner would be a direct violation of the seal of confession), he could speak generally about the difficulties he sees as a way to encourage, explain, motivate and help. Tact is always important here, especially to avoid the experience you have had.

In a situation like the one you mention, you may think that the priest has you alone in mind. It is much more likely that he does not even remember what you personally told him, but rather, that he has heard similar things quite often from many others… and not only in confession. When it comes to our sins we are very sensitive and it is hard to come to any other conclusion then that the priest is signaling us out, personally.

I would recommend continuing going to the sacrament, which is a great gift from God, and which not all take advantage of (you are blessed). If you are on more familiar terms with this priest or feel sufficient confidence, you could even mention to him what you experienced in the homily. He would surely be grateful and could also offer a better explanation for why he said what he did.

If in the end things don’t change, you can always find another confessor. The Church wants you to feel free and comfortable and would like to make it as easy as possible for you to go to this life giving sacrament.

Yours in Christ, Father Joseph Burtka, LC

Introducing Father Joseph Burtka, LC

Dear readers,

We have some great news. Because of the constant growth of our site readership and the volumes of questions we receive (we answer far fewer than we would like) – we have needed more fire-power than we have. With that as a backdrop we were thrilled when Father Joseph Burtka, LC agreed to join the team to answer questions.

Fr Joseph was ordained in 1997 and has served as Novice Instructor in Germany and the United States and as Territorial Director for the New York Territory of the Legion of Christ.  He is currently stationed in Cheshire, CT as Novice Instructor. He received bachelor degrees in Philosophy and Theology at the Gregorian University and the University Regina Apostolorum in Rome, respectively.

Our goal will be to have Fr Joseph answer one more question per week and the posts will likely come most Fridays as time permits.

If you have questions you would like to submit, please read the FAQ and follow those directions carefully.

Please welcome Fr Joseph to the Catholic Spiritual Direction team!

Pax Christi,

Dan